Pink Mermaid

Christmas is coming...

2011-10-23T22:16:00.001+02:00

So I went to woolies today and up were the xmas decorations. I love the festivities and can't wait to get a xmas tree. I am a sucker for xmas movies even! I think its just the general feeling of the festivities as almost everyone is haPpy and accomodative to xmas. This morning. I was watching a Jaimie oliver Xmas special see Xmas is everywhere as the song states in the fabulous, Love Actually.

I LOVE YOU TO DEATH

2011-10-21T20:22:00.006+02:00

I know I promised to do this a lot earlier in the week, please forgive me. In the mood for Halloween I created this range. Its a bit of horror and a bit of love, hmn pretty much like twilight again.

I am uber excited for the new Breaking Dawn movie to come out!

So back to cards before I jump to my other favorite thing, Twilight.

The first card is a normal I love you card i guess, with a bubble saying, " i could never have found a better man."

The second one is my favourite.The vampire says, " Edward Cullen could never compare to the real thing" . Guys, if you have a gal who is Twilight mad, this will be the perfect card on V day! By V day I mean Valentines day and not Vampire day incase you were so inclined to assume.

And the final on is a good old, "congrats on your wedding card".

These chip boards reminded me so of old classics like "Beetlejuice". I loved that movie growing up. So I guess this is a playful way of handling matters of the heart:)

Have a good weekend!

Next up is a glittering range of Cards for kids:)

The Pink Mermaid launches her Card Range

2011-10-17T22:52:00.008+02:00

And by Pink Mermaid i mean me! For the past few months I have been going a little bit card crazy. I have spending endless hours making cards and have totally gotten totally in frukkin crazy love with it. I seem to be spending my weekends, hitting the craft shops and designing and creating words and combinations that work. I am loving it. My proper website will be up soon, but you will definitely be reading lots more from me. Promise. Cross my heart and hope to stop making cards (cause that will be the same as dying). Also, please join my facebook page.

The first three pics are from my Sex n the city Range (unoffcial, please don't sue me), where I am inspired by the sex n the city theme. A modern girl, who preys and parties in the dangerous city. Perfect for girl friends and the party gal!

Stay tuned for the , " I love you to death" range which will follow tomorrow!

Open Mike

2010-01-26T10:45:00.000+02:00

I suck my thumb at you

Daddy’s Boys who drives their daddy’s beamers
Do you jack off to daddy’s porn, you daddy screamers
You coast on your looks and you decaffe latte
Self absorbed personality war to you is par sey

I suck my thumb at you sir

Blusher and eye liner a Levi jeans and Country Road
Biggest dilemma is when you forget your cell phone code
So you shout at the MTN dude who earns peanuts per hour
It’s not really your fault, cause you have that power

I suck my thumb at you madam

A conscientiousness of what happens outside your front door
The ordinary people who try to be more
You ignore cause you only speak to people in Mazeraties
Your life is just about a dress and a party

Communism is a dirty word you heard in your first year at uni
You dropped out or failed cause your brain was too puny
Domestics are servants maids to clean after your mess
And street kids are treated like multiplying infectious pests

I suck my thumb at you

Your mother or father your uncle and aunt
They started the rant
Of how third world this country is
London or Dubai could I go there please

cause flashy, and concrete jungle, malls and more shops
cab drivers who drive and never seem to stop
cascading hallways with gold and marble floors
men who’s money you were born to adore
woman traded like cattle, highest bidder twenty million please
like prostitute virgins without a disease

I suck my thumb at you
And that’s all I plan to do
Cause Don’t contaminate my space with your stupidity
And I don’t care if you don’t like my rigidity

Ok so i promise to blog more often

2009-10-22T13:14:00.002+02:00

What a beautiful day, where the sky is bleu and everything seems almost perfect even if perfection is a fagment of the masses imagination.

I am addicted to True Blood, no new news there.
And I have gotten my tickets to the first screening of New Moon already, yeah baby.

a Recap

2009-06-05T17:06:00.003+02:00

So this year I have been very busy and on the eve of my "ag en twintig" status, I have decided the following:

1. I am addicted to pink and I never get enough of it. Enough so that even at work people have noticed, like today I have on a pink top and jersey and scarf. Is obviously very fashionably ensambled, nothing “Dolly Parton-ish”. And today my aunt said she is making me a bracelet, she wanted to confirm on whether “Pink” is an apt colour? No comment cause pink is my coulor, my enagement ring is even sort of pink (okay so its purple), my I pod is pink. I love pink
2. edward cullen is my definition of heaven.
3. dean winchester is my idea of hell
4. so if I go to either I don’t particularly care
5. so loving the new posters from New moon check em out

this is why I love my CT

2009-06-05T14:42:00.002+02:00

Romeo and JulieT a continuation from The last Supper http://pinkmermaids.blogspot.com/2006/04/london-chapter-1-last-supper.html

2009-04-15T17:04:00.001+02:00

Chapter 2

Romeo and JulieT

“Fuck”, that is all I am thinking and that is all that comes out of my mouth.

“Hi there Zuleigha, I could just about ask you the same thing, but much more eloquently, I should add”. He looked kinda miffed that my first reaction to seeing him happens to be the word Fuck.

I kind of just smile, I am holding a Barbie and have successfully managed to put a skirt on her head. Sameer is reeling closer, this must be some really juicy gossip even for him.

“ Hello Riyaaz, it’s a fucken small world” I say and drop the Barbie and walk away.

Sameer comes closer to me, I am sitting at the table, the roast chicken smells really good,

, “so you know Riyaaz”

“Uh Huh “ I say nonchalantly.

“okay, well have you heard about this new Movie, its with Daniel Craig in it”

“are you asking me if I know the new Bond movie” I ask him.

“yeah well…” and off he is chattering, about the new bond movie as if I don’t know that Dr No was the first movie and that Casino Royale is a remake which originally starred Sean Connery.

It was one of those days where I just needed to be alone, and what better heaven than a second hand book store, where you could get any cool book for under 20 bucks and just lock yourself away for a few hours.

I literally knocked into a guy, it was ridiculously embarrassing, I was at the stock of the small awkward stairs in that second hand bookshop in Mowbray, the Rural kids one, when I literally knocked a guy over, he nearly fell down the flight of stairs but was save by high pile of second hand Shakespere pileof books.

“Saved by Macbeth” he managed to say, picking up the brown tattered book.

I just kind of winced, and helped him up picking some books up.

“luckily there isn’t a sign that says you break it you buy it” he eventually says to me. He isn’t gorgeous, but he is really handsome, tall, fairish skin and dark curly hair.

I manage a weak smile and apologies profusively.

“Its cool, don’t worry about it”, and I realize he is still holding my hand.

This is UBER corny I am thinking to myself, I mean seriously.

“Hmmn Casino Royale” he points to the book I am holding in my hand and points to his pile which includes “To Russia with love”.

He does this retard thing with his eyebrow, its weird and its kind of like he knows he is kidding but it’s the kind of thing that you do after you really know someone.

“I am Romeo by the way, and you fair maiden, he mocks me, indeed he does” he asks me.

“ well, kind sir, I am Juliet without the T”

he is not that into you....

2009-03-10T21:00:00.002+02:00

it was brilliant. go watch it.
I was like, fuck, they so hit the nail on the head, it depicts exactly what love and a relationship is, if only i read the book 10 years ago...but if i did...i wouldnt be where i am so i guess its okay but it would have saved a lot of tears and making me look like an ass!!

2009-01-26T14:27:00.003+02:00

It is purple and it is perfect and I cant stop looking at it.
I love the cutwork in the band, it has a Celtic and ancient edge to it, it almost looks inheritted. This is about as girly as I can get. The fact that I am addicted to pink just doesnt help at all, now does it. I am just so very happy.

Twilight and my Edward Cullen

2009-01-02T18:35:00.003+02:00

Hello, happy new year and all that Jazz.

New years resolutions:

write more often on my blogg like I used to
write more, period
finish my studies, wait actually start my studies ( I got this bright pink stationary maybe that might inspire me some more)
be able to play, "kiss me" and Julie Delphie's "waltz" from before sunrise on my guitar which is laying in the box, untouched and untuned
paint a portrait, hmmm edward cullen for inspiration
be able to do the shoulder stand, but like properly properly
write movie reviews more regularly on my blogg

speaking of which, movies...I discovered something, no someone (my KD intact of course)

I went to the movies to watch Twilight, not expecting anything more than your typical American gal falling in love with a vampire type thriller, KD seemed eager even (he will deny it at this point), but boy was I surprised.

Okay so its kinda corny at some parts, okay a lot of parts.

Premise of the movie, your average new chick, dark wavy hair, jeans and jacket kinda chick meets a very good looking (if you like the pastey sinewy look) guy, with uhmn really nice hair. He cant stand her or so it seems to her only its the exact opposite. For the last 90 years of his existance (where his body seems to be stuck at 17), he has never met anyone like her, call it what you like but i guess the word that comes to mind is uhmn "soulmate".

Thing is, he is a vampire, okay a vegan vampire (he and his family hunt only animals). But she is human, its what his natural instincts hunt for.

There are lines like,

"So the lion falls in love with the lamb"

"what a stupid lamb"

"what an egotistical lion"

The i went out to get the books, well the first one at least, devoured it in like 3 days, and today when i wanted to get the rest it was like sold out!!! i now ned to wait like 2 weeks, its driving me mad.

HWt i like about it is that its about love, in the purest sense. I have read other chick flick books and i love em too but for example like, "Sex n the City", notice how before you can fall inlove with a guy you need to first come to terms with "he wont break my heart like my ex did" or " is he really worth the trouble".

Okay I mean reality is very different but I loved that first love theme being explored again. First love, with hearts that believed in it.

This is exactly what happened to me when I watched, "Pride and Prejudice" with Collin Firth. It might be worse...

i have atatched some pics from my new favourite movie.

It defies logic, its corny, its cheesy, its very unrealistic, but i cant really care about that now, im just loving twilight!!!

Birthdays, movies and the stuff inbetween

2008-06-18T17:21:00.002+02:00

I am waiting for the rain to pass before heading off home and its so dark and gloomy outside already. That is Cape town for you, in Summer and Spring everyone is envious of blue skies and summer sun and it winter it gets bitterly cold. Thank goodness I invested in a woolies pink thermal blanket (I am petrified of being in bed and getting electrocuted) and I am now tucked into bed at a decent hour reading some Marian Keyes.

It was my birthday the other day and the evening before was devoted to my beloved cupcakes. I spent like 10 hours perfecting them, decorated them with chocolate, cream, caramel, icing, orange rind, pepperment crisp, special butterflies, hearts, sugar crystals!! Nigella in the making is soooo happening. Then there was all the mails, smses (from scotland ) phonecalls and the like. Even though I spent the day at work, there is nothing like neatly blow dried hair and wearing the birthday crown for the day. The evening I spent with family, my cousin was getting married that Sunday and on the Friday night there usually is a braai. Which wasnt bad cause it meant yummy food and getting all my cousins esp the ones i havent seen in a bit. There were singers and i got sung an indian version of the birthday song (i was thouroughly embaressed but do you expect anything less from my uncles!!)

The saturday the birthday continued with my KD who made it extra special (smile)

And movies. Ah you know my addiction to the silver screen. Sex n the city was hmn okish. Sumaya liked it a lot i was kinda like hmmmn that was okay. I didnt want her to end up with Big and the fact that he leaves her at the Alter (oh that dress was divine) and she still marries him didnt go well for me.

Ive watched quite a few movies with my movie date actually.

The other Boleyn girl was really good, new found espect for Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johnson is gorgeous although I cant imagine her as a bad girl, a bit of a lack in versatility I thing.

Bricklane was lovely and I particulary liked the ending. No Bollywood movie and not such fans will be severly dissapointed but brilliant dialogue if not too sentimenal visuals (apart from the sex scene with her husband that was just really bad)

My India

2008-05-06T22:35:00.003+02:00

As i stood on the ninth floor behind a misquito net and a protruding window, i looked at the Gateway in its majestic demanding presence. I felt like i was imposing on a picture. It was perfectly beautiful and timeless.

India in all its glory with a personality like no other. In the mornings i woke up to my 7 year old cousin always happy glowing and smiling. People made yoga on the square. I was grossly ripped off in buying postcards for double the price. People Harass you and wonder where you from.

Families come onto the sqaure. I walked from a distance, i should have gone closer. Beggers with babies and deformed people. People. All the people.

And taxis. So many Taxis. hooting all the time. silence

A ShOrT StOrY by Zoo Lay Gha

2008-05-06T22:12:00.001+02:00

Short Story 1:

She picked up her red Nine West patent bag and let the thought linger a moment longer. It was ridiculous the exuberant prices one would pay for synthetic leather and yet it sold like CDs do on a R50 Musica sale. She chewed the extra hot Nandoes chicken and licked her fingers decidedly, moving a stray hair out of her face, which had just underwent a Arabella Spa treatment two days before and smiled at herself slowly, just for a minute she pretended that he was sitting in front of him. He had insisted on the facial even though it wasn’t really her scene. Nine West Bags was about as girlie girlie she got.

She got up and tossed the half drunk bottle of sprite and climbed into her legal car, she indicated to turn left and went right. She tuned into KFM and after hearing a Celine Dion song pushed her MP3 into her CD Player. An MP3 he made played.

It was aptly called, Sunday with FairyPlum. She can remember that Sunday clearly, they have been sort of dating for about a month, and spent the day at his place, when his overstrict grandmother had gone off on one of her religious rounds visiting all the sick people on the planet. They were hanging out in his room, listening to music, talking ok and kissing.

The front dor opens and in walks his very over protective grandmother with half her troop of equally religious spinster women.

Zara reluctantly hops into the first cupboard just in time before Hitler Granny steps into the room and finds him siting infront of his PC finishing off an Accounting Tutorial.

That song he said he loved played and although she wasn’t all that into Slipknot, listened to each sound, word and note as if she listened close enough there would be a secret message.

Sea Point was deserted, she climbed out in the empty parking lot, she undid the tie she wore with her work shirt and trousers.

*****

He smiled at her soft way she twitched her eyes. The way her nose wrinkles up looking like an overgrown newborn, her hair in an untidy bun, too long to leave loose and too short to plait.

She was certainly different, she had a slightly odd, delicately funkey and absurdly beaurecratic way of compiling an outfit. Especially for someone in Asset Management, very boring, very very ordinary.

He sees her at every corner, she indicates left and goes right, the cars maneuver around her like she is invisible and only he can see her.

She is talking and not listening to a word he has to say, but he doesn’t really mind just seeing her is enough.

He opens his eyes and she isn’t there, he doesn’t know where he is, everyone is walking past him, so fast so quickly and no one realizes his pain, no one can see that his insides have almost vaporized and all that remains is a vague outline.

She drives recklessly, she know she shouldn’t but it doesn’t matter anymore not after the fight, not after saying all those words, words that you just cant take back.

She picks up her cell and dials his number, even hearing his voice message will make her feel better will nourish and feed her insides.

But reception is bad or her phone is faulty she knows she charged it last night but the battery only has one bar.

She has to see him one last chance and drives to his house, only he isn’t there anymore. She knocks on the door but no one answers. She peers through the window and can see the fireplace they used to hang out at roasting marshmallows on sosatie sticks so often but the front room is empty.

She is concerned, yesterday he was there, 24 hours ago, the fight was bad but surely he hasn’t left, surely he hasn’t given up on her on them. Her heart feels heavy and she starts crying. Tears just pour out and she starts sniffing. She climbs into her car and starts driving, she indicates right and turns left, and goes back to Nandoes, where she has forgotten her Bag. She needs to get to his work. Jim is on the Mac working and slaving around, he isn’t there. Jim complains about him leaving and mentions it to David his son who works with him.

It hits her like a rock, he really has left, he has packed up and left.

She should have made up with him, it was such a stupid fight she couldn’t even remember what it was about, he wasn’t at work, he wasn’t at home and she doesn’t know where he is. He could be in Norway with Sammy his best bud, he could be in Joburg, he could do what they were supposed to have done together, he could be in New York.

She could e mail him, that wouldn’t have changed.

Well unless he really has changed his name as he said he always wanted. He never had parents, he grew up in an orphanage and for the past three years they were each others best friends. Sammy his best bud had moved to Norway, Andy was in Joburg somewhere and everyone else, well whom ever else she vaguely knew and would never be able to locate.

Well, except Sherwin, and there was this glimmer of hope, he works at Beroocas in the waterfront so she gets in her car and drives as fast as she can.

It got dark awfully quick, time passes by so quickly she doesn’t keep track of it anymore and everything just seems so different.

Maybe in the dark things seem different, Baruccas is busy, Sherwins the chef there, but he is standing at a table talking to someone, a very special someone. Its him, he looks different older, he is wearing a very odd shirt, its stiff and fancy very unlike him. His hair is neat and short, he isn’t wearing his glasses, he is holding a glass of wine and smiling.

And as she walks closer, he isn’t alone at the table, there is a girl, an its not any girl it’s a girl who is holding his hand, but its not any kind of handholding, he is hooding her hand and kissing it like he used to, like he kissed hers last week.

He is kissing her hand and she realizes, she figures it out.

She couldnt figure out why he was acting so different, why he was acting so distant with her. It was as she wasn’t there anymore.

She did see him for lunch at Nandoes, it was their Truce meeting maybe that’s what he wanted to tell her then. But she was speaking, no shouting no begging him, but he just sat there silently eating as if she wasn’t there.

And here he was kissing this other girls hand.

It didn’t hurt, it made her nauseous, she wanted to vomit but nothing came out. Tears were coming out of her eyes, but her cheeks never got wet.

He doesnt love her anymore, he didn’t care about her and thats why he was so distant.

After all they have been through, she had wanted to make up with him so bad, but it was too late, and then she got angry, she wasn’t too lat, he was cheating on her and she got angry, almost venomous as she usually got when she almost became irrational..

He looked out of the window onto the waterfront and he could almost see her. She was standing there in the rain and he felt guilty.

He heard of being haunted by love, but seeing her everything, even when he made love to the new women in his life she was there looking at him, and orgasms are pretty difficult when your dead ex is looking at you.

The END

Contemplations and a Realisation

2008-05-06T22:11:00.000+02:00

I thought I had figured it out. I thought I had found the exact ingredients, conjured the correct combinations and extracted the perfect solution, I thought I had found the answer that should be replied to the most asked questions.

Every so often you feel this bliss, and I must admit it has started occurring a lot more often.

Maybe its because I have started become more accepting, of a body not replicated to that of Halle Berry on a bad day, but ones that seems fairly comfortable clothed in a size 14 funky ¾ corduroy jeans and a bright red shirt with hair that will always be too curly and never straight enough.

Maybe it’s the fact that in the end I am doing exactly what they wanted, however the way I am doing it, is exactly the way I had always wanted.

Maybe it’s letting go of pressures that would sink me even though I am an excellent swimmer.

Maybe it’s because I found a man to love who loves me and whom I would never have loved because nothing is good enough and his love would never suffice.

Maybe it’s letting go of perfection and the need to paint this perfect picture and accept the untidy splatters of an inexperienced and uneducated artist.

Maybe it’s because even God in her infinite wisdom is smiling at me, almost like she knows something I don’t.

Maybe its because Nine West has a sale on and boots in my colour and in my size!!

Just Maybe…

Some more thoughts

2008-05-06T22:05:00.001+02:00

I never seem to need a reason to watch a movie, but the other day, it was a chilly sunday early evening actually, KD and I had decided (upon my insistence and his kindness) to watch a documentary on Rumi (Abby I know you would appreciate this)

Unfortunately, I was severely disappointed, the documentary taught me nothing more than there was a bunch of people really in awe of him.

But none of them really knew why they were so fascinated with this dervish.

I think my fascination with dervishes and sufis is simply that they so go against the conventional way Islam is practiced.
Oh dear dare I approach the religion factor to my blog? This is treacherous and dangerous lands I dare trespass.

Society, culture and religion are so closely integrated its nearly impossible to really differentiate between them. I mean we are born Muslims, we were not given the choice to practice, it was enforced on us. Yet we do have the choice of free will, and for some people a muslim who decides to not practiced needs to be shunned. Surely then that persn is not being granted the choice of free will, free will which is a right to all individuals.

Now before everyone jumps on your back for saying, a Non Muslim and a half Muslim and all the other things that will oh yes will be stressed and pointed out, God created Adam, and Adam was not a Muslim, well because religion was not really created then so to speak.

Surely we are allowed to wonder of those things, like where we all come from, and did all of come from Adam and Eve, and where exactly heaven is, and whether there is a shortcut to heaven or not (wishful thinking)

Although Moslem school did teach me much I get irritated that the standard of teachers is so limited. I once asked a Moslem school teacher why there were no female prophets and the answer I got was “I will pretend I did not here that”

I am in that wondering and pondering stage in my life.

There are so many actors out there, people pretend every single day and its so scary. Its nearly terrifying.

Blame Facebook for my abstance but I am back:)

2008-05-06T21:58:00.002+02:00

This is my first post for 2008.

And for that I do not apologise, I have been a busy lady.

December came and went, I finally got my drivers Licence which means I am legal on the road, I started a new job at the same company, I travelled to India and Dubai and the other bit of bigger and better news which I am not mentioning yet.

Its about tenish and I am listening to some soppy stuff feeling all sentimental and silly.

Roxette The Centre of the Heart (is a suburb to the brain)

2007-11-25T22:23:00.000+02:00

I want all their albulms, I love their stuff and yes it may be a bit old but if Ever, this is the kind of music I want to write, this is the kind of music I would love to make.

Per & Marie:
What am I gonna do when I get a little excited,
a little in pain? Tell me
What am I gonna say when I find the centre of my heart
is a suburb to the brain?
Marie:
You wear them so well, those innocent eyes
You're puttin' on a wonderful disguise
I want you so bad. I'm pushing my luck
It feels like being hit by a truck
This is no place special. Don't know why I came
If someone has a minute, won't you explain
Per:
What am I gonna do when I get a little excited,
a little in pain? Tell me
What am I gonna say when I find the centre of my heart
is a suburb to the brain?
Singing
Marie:
na nana nana na
na nana nana na
Marie:
Being with you, dealing with fire
Oh won't you come around (come out)
come out (today) and play
(I want you so bad)
Answer my calls
Let's spend the night within these walls
This is no place special.
Nothing for the sane (Nothing for the sane)
If someone's got minute, do please explain
Per:
What am I gonna do when I get a little excited,
a little in pain? Tell me
What am I gonna say when I find the centre of my heart
is a suburb to the brain?
Singing
Marie:
na nana nana na
na nana nana na
Per:
What am I gonna do when I get a little excited,
a little in pain? Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me
What am I gonna do when I get a little excited,
a little in pain? Tell me
Per & Marie:
What am I gonna say when I find the centre of my heart
is a suburb to the brain?
Singing
Marie:
na nana nana na
na nana nana na

What am I gonna to do
Per:
What am I gonna do when I get a little excited,
a little in pain?
Marie:
The centre of my heart
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Per:
What am I gonna say when I find the centre of my heart
is a suburb to the brain?
Marie:
What am I gonna do now?
Per & Marie:
What am I gonna say when I find the centre of my heart
is a suburb to the brain?

me

2007-11-25T22:08:00.002+02:00

story 1

2007-11-25T21:39:00.000+02:00

She stood at the door and peered through the umpteenth time into the far distance. The farm was in the middle of a desert or at least she felt like it was. She kicked her shoes off and flung herself onto the coutch, it subsided with a squeek and the receptionist/weirdo woman who booked her into the backbackers lodge looked at her with her nose pulled up just like her step mom would.

He promised he would come and no one else knew she was here. She held the necklace in her sweaty hand, she grasped it with all her might. He was coming for her.

****
He looked at her faint smile that was almost hidden on that angelic white face, cliche or not. He wished she didnt like the Spice Girls so, and that annoying habit of chewing straws after a drink only highlighted the age gap more.

He looked at his Seiko watch for the tenth time and the time was getting closer.

"Ladybugs in the den" N said as soon as he picked up his Sony Cell phone.

Code talk was so lame and amateurish. N was formal as ever, and could see everything with all the cadgets Ray and her team came up with. He felt a bit like in a James Bond Movie, only there was no Astin Martin, sexy woman to have casual affairs with, there was just Angie who desperately needed saving.

*****
She kicked her shoes off and glanced at the snowy tv set and walked accross to change the chanel.

It was then when she saw that the receptionist had a wooden leg. Her frock was frilly and green, and covered just ill above her knees. She wore a black pair of stockings but her left leg was really wooden. Like in old movies. THis place was weird, and Tash was supposed to be here somewhere. Tash who booked in with her and had disappeared early this morning before breakfast, or was it after. Angie didnt even know cause when she woke up it was 10 and all she managed to get was toast and apricot jam, well it looked like apricot Jam. The coffee was a dilution of something black and tasted like what she would expect coffee to taste like had it have an expiry date.

Tash left a note saying that she was going for a hike and then go for a train ride.
Erica was sitting in a corner, and it looked like she was on her cell phone. Erica she had met just earlier this morning, whilst attempting to eat the "sort of" breakfast. Signal, was she actually getting signals? She was talking of lady bugs. Lady bug? What was that about?

a beautiful sunday morning...

2007-11-11T08:08:00.000+02:00

I love Sunday mornings.

One, I mistake it for a weekday and feel such solace knowing I can sleep later and work does not bekon.

Two, its summer in SA, the sun sweetly wakes me up with beautiful sun beams streaming through my make shift curtains.

I was up rather early today, it may be beause I heard my dad switching on the computor to check out BBC.com at 7am this morning. Then he came to steal "The Secret " which I borrowed from a work colleague.

I have been reading quite a few books of late, one being "Spud" written by "John van der Ruit". It occupied me each evening with its absolute silliness, intrigue and such a cheery disposition. I literally laughed out loud and ignored BF most eves enthralled by what, Spud, Mad Dog, Rambo, Fatty, Guv and the Wombat were up to. The romance with mermaid was too cute, and i recomend all South Africans to read it as well. Ironically enough I got the copy from a none South African.

But back to breakfasts, I love early mornings, they make the day stretch out so much more. There are hours to look forward to, and seeing the caressing summer sun rays, aah what can be more beautiful. I feel so optimistic, so happy so eternally blissful (wait till tomorrow and work bekons and sadness will step in), I cannot wait to go to the beach.

But now so much more to still do, on this Sunday morn. Adious amego (or however you spell that)

at this moment (not a song by celine dion)

2007-08-26T21:08:00.000+02:00

They said it would be okay two years ago and I didn’t believe them. The pain was piercing and felt permanent and now it is but a vague laughable memory.

I feel blessed in infinite ways and even if all the blessings were not so aptly bestowed on me, even then I would be glowing with anticipation, waiting for the other good things I will discover on the path I have chosen.

Pride and arrogance has no place here, it erodes and winds the path causing me to chose the wrong roads at the forks of life.

Patience and forgiveness needs to be practiced not on others but on myself first. And in doing so I find that the beauty is not brought by new sceneries and more lands discovered but it’s by looking in the right directions, where nearly perfect heaven like sights can be found.

I have seen heaven, in so many small things, and I know its glimpses of heaven because at such moments, sights and smells, my heart and soul seem to merge and I feel slightly dillusional, and my feet cannot feel the ground.

Pain never lasts and when it ends you appreciate its departure.

more arbness

2007-08-12T15:15:00.000+02:00

OK Dr Oz is hot!! ANd he really is a doctor. Totally into him and Oprah at the moment. Ok not into Oprah in that way but I love her stuff. ALso into the secret. More arb ness need to get off this pc aaaagh

arb ness

2007-08-12T15:05:00.000+02:00

Yesterday I had a lovely feel, fish in lemon juice and butter, mixed veggies comprising of fresh green and red peppers, button mushroms and a lovely variety of colourful chillies drenched in soya sauce and mrs Balls Chutney. Complemented by a yummy chillie garlic bread oh life is so good. Meant to load some pics on my blogg but too lazy to load the software. Its on my pc but my pc is in my sisters room, till my room is done.

i want to watch becoming Jane.

I am going to enjoy some sunshine now

2007-07-28T17:28:00.000+02:00

I finished Young Wives and I loved it. I was sick again, last week, it was pretty bad vomiting, fever I even got an astma pump. One night I couldnt sleep at all so I sat up whole night and finished Young wives. Its very similar to to First Wivs, its just so much funnier I wish they made the movie too!

Also, I got Sophie Kinsella's Shopoholic gets married, and so far its gorgeous. I also watched Harry POtter's new movie, how i loved that. I need to get the books Ive only read the first three.

Hmn I am just babbling, my life is so uneventful.

Agh agh agh

My Weekend

2007-07-08T21:28:00.001+02:00

Why does it fly by, just why??

On Friday was my brother's matric ball. It was literally a ball of laughs, lieterally. So Brymie eventaully got dresed, and my cousins Waseem, Khalid and Adam (with his side kick Tarki) came with.

Off we go to the girls house with the whole troop. It was such a laugh, so much fun. My poor bother having two older sisters is torture.

Last night Sumaya and I had our usual date, it was such fun an therapeutic just chatting the night away. We ate at Cape Town Fish Mrket. I prefer Ocean Basket.

I had the yummiest orange flavoured Hot chocolate though. It was delicious. Sumaya had a red latte. Im inlove with that too.

And when I visited Hanifa she gave me mint green tea. I love that too. Right now I am just loving life.

Just a tit bit...

2007-07-02T19:15:00.000+02:00

I am waiting for Toughedah, we are supposed to be going to some meeting of sorts. With Tou I sometimes think its some sort of cult meeting. In Honours year she dragged me into being a research assistant to a lecturer doing her PHD and we basically road tripped Western Capes fishing villages.

Apdtly Tou recently graduated with her Masters and her thesis was on the Fishing Industry in SA.

My weekend was good, really good. On Saturday I worked a bit, just to catch up with my sick days last week. Yuk Yuk. But on Saturday eve I watched TV and just chilled. Zoolander was on an I thought it was brilliant. Then we sat at the fire and just chilled for hours over yummy warm coffee. Its Brymies Matric Ball on Saturday and we all kind of excited.
Although exam also looms around the bend for him.

Then I also hired the Devil Wears Prada a cult classic. How can you not love that movie.

On Sunday I got up late and chilled watching the special features of The Devil Wears Prada. There is an odd but sheer enjoyment I get from watching Special Features.

KD picked me up and off we went to THE DISH. It was surprisingly really good, when we arrived there was a sale at Exclusives where I got a really cool book then we got tickets for Shrek The Third, and I had my usual Thai Chicken Sandhich at Kuai.

I also mnaged to get a funky but cool pair of shoes AND AND AND finally i just bought me a copy of Hannah Montana.
The reason I got copy of Hannah Montana relates to a stint three weeks prior. I was at Look andListen when this little Six year comes up next to me as I am innocently looking at DVDS on Special and shrieks HANNAH MONTANA. Literally, it looked like she was getting a fit or something, she had 2 yellow plaits literally yet again.

So I asked my littl cousin also aptly six what Hannah Montanna is but she wasnt really into it, give her some Puppies and Meerkats and she is addicted. But apparently its huge at her school.

And then I gt my sisters friend Grant and he is a massive Hannah Montana fan.

My movie reviews are sure to follow especially in the Hannah Montana MAdness.

KD shakes his head, whats he doing with a nutter like me....

doctor doctor...

2007-06-27T15:58:00.000+02:00

My second POst for the day. FaCEBOOK IS SO SLOW AND ANNOYING ME.

I went to the doctor now who gave me some medicine.
But that isnt what I want to tell you about. I was in Mavis Road at Dr Brey because he is the family doctor and I have been going there since I could count. Ironically the sky is deceivingly blue and my visit to the doctor is because of a COLD. Its still freezing and I'm convinced its like minus Ten degrees or something.

Its around 3 o clockish, and I am waiting for my dad to pick me up, the road (a one way) is sort of busy, there are lots of kiddies coming home from school. Many of them looked all sullen and moody, I presume they got their report cards or marks back I recognise the look, its similar to when I get my credit card bill after a bizzairre but very neccessary trip to Nine West.

Then there are neighbours literally shouting across the road from one garden to the next on what their children are doing and what they put in their Breyaani when Daatar is out of Saffron (like my mother would ever be in a position where she is out of Saffron)

Afroz's mom walks down the road with a friend towards the busy side of Gateville presumably to do some last minute shopping. As she passes each house she stops and chats to the neighbours. She is walking with a friend and I feel a bit shy to stop her and greet (what manners I have hey but I am still wearing that very ill suited outfit as mentioned earlier)

Its peaceful actually, just waiting for my lift and watching and looking at the happenings in Mavis Road.

Oddly enough, that in itself was therapeutic. Well what would you expect on a trip to the doctors!!

an update

2007-06-27T10:53:00.000+02:00

How I feel: Sick, my throat is sore, my nose is running and I am cold cold cold

What I am reading: Olivia Goldsmiths First Wives which I borrowed from Debbie pretty funy thus far and dare I add I am surprised

What I am wearing: A black pants (I was getting ready for work but opted to call in sick and go to doc) a pink tracktop and a thick scarf

Listening to: Karen Zoid and the X diet(thats for laughs)

Movie I want to watch: Shrek the third

What I want more than anything: A GHD and a Hannah Montana DVD

Mission Impossible; Actually Mission Possible.

2007-06-16T11:51:00.001+02:00

I wanted to tell you about our strategy day....Considering I almost never relate to what I actually do 80% of the time (wel minus movies of course!)

We have two sort of Managers let’s call them M&L.

M&L were top secret about this strategy day, so only the day before (Friday) we were given our formal invites (via a DVD). On the DVD was a sort of James Bond Mission Impossible sort of theme with our mascot the Zebra and some cool James bond special effects to the Music of Mission Impossible.

On Saturday I reluctantly headed off to work. ON a Saturday!!

Dressed in jeans and takkies I assumed the funnest thing we could possibly do was have some famous person talk to us but BOY did they literally throw me overboard.

Next we were told the Gear, Combats, a towel, a toiletry bag and an evening dress.

And on Saturday at 7.30am we met at the headquarter, ie The Company.

So on this DVD was a soduko(a different one for each of us) and in the corner right hand corner was a number which sorted us into our secret mission groups.

Half sleepy we arrive at the head quarters, seated in an Auditorium in our secret agents teams.

So we all sitting in our groups and they start playing a clip on the screen in our Auditorium.

Its M&L dressed up in sunglasses and black coats and graphic designed like its a Bond movie and we given instructions like,

"Listen carefully, cause we dont repeat ourselves twice"

(oh so scary all serious like we burst out laughing),

"On level P1, there are taxis for each Secret Agent Group, with a taxi and a laptop. On the Laptop is your first mission, and the games starts NOW!!"

So like crazy people we all run, and there really are taxis and inside is the laptop, we switch it on (with instructions in an envelop), and its M&L again, all in black and white really going with the Secret Agent theme,

“Our mission is an aquatic one, where we need to swim to great depths, with sharks and pretty fish, there is a bouy that will save us to the next mission"

So we think ok it has to be the aquarium, so off we go.

We the first to arrive and then realize the other teams all start with different missions.

We see the COMPANY sign, run towards it and are ushered to the big tank.

A few weeks ago, our marketing person was looking for divers for an EGOLI advert, and even sent some people on a diving course. Little did we know they trained divers especially for this task, although they too weren’t informed of the days invent, a diver was placed in each team, and the task was not easy.

The diver got into a wet suit, got an oxygen tank and had to dive into the tank with SHARKS (with ugly big teeth). One of the aquarium divers went with them. In the tank they had to find our clue, which we figured had to be a key from the clues on the DVD.

Superman our diver was fearless and plunged in for the dive, finding the key shortly.

The key was a key to a locker at a Gym, Virgin, Active at the Point. With our laanie taxi driver Adenaan, off we go, breaking speed limits, we are on a mission, Mission Possible.

We get to the gym, and rush to the lockers, Alexia manages to find the clues, pictures of a place, familiar place, next to the Radison at the Waterfront!

We arrive and there is a boat,

a boat means there is water,

water means we could find a bouy.

All strapped up in life jackets we venture off into the ocean, blazing blaring, at a really fast speed we venture off.

We eventually find the bouy (Actually it got tangled in a small fishing boats line), and on the bouy is a rope and on the rope is a bottle and in the bottle is our next clue.

So off we go on our boat ride back to shore and we are handed a second CD, Mission One complete.

Off we go listening to the clues said very artfully by M&L.

“Wade through a lot of Crap from our clients”

They give us directions to a corner of two roads in Town and off we go. We all get out and we see nothing only a bag full oh uhmn crap. They cant seriously be seriously, but they were just that. Alam very gallantly starts going through the dirt and we find a paper with instructions.

Meanwhile Superman hears the public phone ring nearby and goes to answer it. The phonecall says, you have to run and you have to run now, no taking a taxi and off we dash like lunatics to directions on a piece of crappy paper leading us to opposite the Castle.

On the pavement is some guys with gum boots and torches and a ladder going down down down a ladder into the sewers.

We didn’t find the Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles, but we did find our next clue after walking which felt like forever in the dark with huge gum boots in a sewer filled with cockroaches, and a tiny little light bobbing from our heads.

Mission Two complete.

Our next clue was handed by the “SEWER guys”

“Information is free and only cocts R8” M&L bellowed.

THE SATURDAY Argus!!

We find the next SECRET MISSION I in the classifieds section of the paper, hmmn the location of the SECRET party tonight can be found when we go to great heights at Culemborg?

You have got to be joking but we went on a helicopter ride, that was so cool and amazing, And on top of our COMPANY building we find the secret address of the secret party for the secret agents on a massive not so secret poster on our buildings roof.

That was so awesome but our day is not complete as yet.

We abseil off the half finished bridge in Town, we have a game of paintball shooting, and we have a Spiderwoman in our team when Shams gallantly climbs up the rock wall effortlessly.

And our final mission is to make money out of a R50, which leads us to the waterfront selling Pepsis! And Corder being very dashing and even selling ICE to make money !!

Off we head back to headquarters were we just hang out and talk a bit.

We flew, we were in and on the water, we abseiled down a bridge, we went below the ground, we climbed we did almost everything possible for us to do.

And the message was anything was possible (well that and some other businessy very private Company mattersJ top agent stuff of course)

In the eve we were dashed to a beautiful house in Camps bay (top Billing style) complete with those swimming pools were the waterfalls over on the sides.

We laughed, we ate and we danced us silly.

At one o clock I climbed in my bed, and NEVER would have imagined that they had planned ALL of that! I was impressed and wonder if they will be able to impress me again, after all when you knock the socks off me where else can they possibly go?

I have a new found respect for what boring-talk-talk-airy –flairy strategy days are like.

PS: Pictures to Follow

UPDATE

2007-06-09T15:06:00.000+02:00

Mood
Ok ish slighty in the mood for movies

What I did this morning
Watched Driving Lesson with that Ron Weasly from Harry Potter, I was in an arty movie mood. It was ok not as brilliant as I had hoped

For Lunch I had:
A bit of Woolies butternut soup followed by a delicious sandwhich with extra mature Cheddar cheese (from Woolies of course) and Pepper Dews Yum Yum

Wearing:
A green pair of three quarter courdreys, pink top and funky Nine West Boots.

Read:
Domestic Goddess by Kinsella
Adrian Mole and the Weapons of Mass Production

Number of times to gym this week:
Twice so far (but if I add tomorrow its thrice)

Just Maybe…

2007-05-24T23:00:00.000+02:00

Every so often you feel this bliss, and I must admit it has started occurring a lot more often.

Maybe its because I have started become more accepting, of a body not replicated to that of Halle Berry on a bad day, but one that seems fairly comfortable clothed in a size 14 funky ¾ corduroy jeans and a bright red shirt with hair that will always be too curly and never straight enough.

Maybe it’s the fact that in the end I am doing exactly what they wanted, however the way I am doing it, is exactly the way I had always wanted.

Maybe it’s letting go of pressures that would sink me even though I am an excellent swimmer.

Maybe it’s because I found a man to love who loves me and whom I would never have loved because nothing is good enough and his love and mine would never suffice.

Maybe it’s letting go of perfection and the need to paint this perfect picture and accept the untidy splatters of an inexperienced and uneducated artist.

Maybe it’s because even God in her infinite wisdom is smiling at me, almost like she knows something I don’t.

Maybe its because Nine West has a sale on and boots in my colour and in my size!!

Just Maybe…

2007-04-28T17:00:00.000+02:00

Divinely Delicious Butter Chicken (At the Request of Marlene)

Marinade

250ml of plain yoghurt (the orange and white candy stripe carton)

2 tablespoons of Lemon Juice

2 table spoons of minced garlic and ginger paste

2 tspns chicken braai

A quarter teaspn chillie powder

¼ tspn fine cloves

¼ tspn fne cinnamon

¼ tspn fine cardamom

3 tspn chicken braai

Mix all of the above and marinate about 500g of chicken breasts in this. The longer you marinade the yummier this get but u can make and fry immediately if u like.

Fry this in a pan with a little bit of olive or fish oil, just wet the pan with oil and fry till golden brown.

Sauce

Just a little less than 1 tin of fine tomato puree pour into a pot on low heat
Add a knob of butter (its supposed to be half a cup but I have omitted the butter ironically altogether)
Add the rest of the marinade that remains in the bowl and stir into the pot with the tomato and butter.
Add 2 TBspns lemon juice
Hmmn add the chicken and give it a nice simmer
After the simmer add some coriander if you want some more flavor although this isn’t according to the proper butter chicken recipe

And Finally the CREAM

Add about 100-125ml of fresh cream (unwhipped, I’m sure you can use the rest in a very delicious way) just before serving and stir in.
The color should be a rich orangey gravy yum yum yum

To be served with steamed Basmati rice and roast potatoes and finished with a delicious dessert. Check the desserts in store:)

2007-04-24T21:17:00.000+02:00

What a lovely evening, what an incredible day. Got up at like 5.30 am but still managed to get to work relatively late. I can so understand How Bridgette Jones manages to get late once you start looking at what you need to wear.

Black pants is always a winner, but the shirt didn’t go with the jersey and the jersey that did match the shirt needed an iron, but the iron was in the high cupboard and funnily enough the iron matched the jersey and shirt but there is seriously a limit to accessorizing.

The day starts with one of those massive meetings where the BIG BOSSES calls all of us into a meeting and they are like rearranging 60 of us on the floor. Which means the colleagues I am so used to are moving actually I am the one who has moved and I already miss my old seat!

Oh well, on a brighter note B and I managed to watched a movie very aptly titled Hot Fuzz.

If you know me well enough you oughtta know that I am not a fan of action but after rather a lengthy negotiation process (the Messengers reviews didn’t look all that good which meant I gave in) B and I watched a movie that excuse my pun (hmmn a hot cross bun would be good) blew me away literally!!

Its so stupid, its stupefying, its so funny you don’t laugh out loud but merely laugh in shock that it can be that good. When they mean to scare you, you literally jump out of your seat, LITERALLY, it happens once and NO I am not telling you where.

There was a deeper message, you don’t need to look for it, but its not one of those preachy movies, its not a feel good movie but one cant help feeling so thereafter.

Its not life altering but for the two hours it played, it sure as hell made those two hours ultra interesting.

five star, 10/10

http://images.google.co.za/imgres?imgurl=http://chud.com/nextraimages/hotfuzzonesheetsmall.jpg&imgrefurl=http://chud.com/reviews/9805&h=446&w=300&sz=56&hl=en&start=1&tbnid=KXRQP6mGtsBnHM:&tbnh=127&tbnw=85&prev=/images%3Fq%3DHot%2BFuzz%26gbv%3D2%26svnum%3D10%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26channel%3Ds%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-US:official%26sa%3DG

My Carrie Bradshaw Moment

2007-04-21T09:54:00.000+02:00

I have been home off sick for a bit. I was watching my old Sex n The city DVDs and came across an episode I could only so much relate to.

Season 4, the episode titled MOTHERBOARD.

I was typing happily along, minding my own business when my pc crashed. Although I may not have a MAC (what is the big deal about this MAC ? Everyone seems to be SOO into the MAC), my little PC is where I write my little episodes, bloggs and chat from.

And there it crashes.

My hard drive was finished, the Warrantee had expired, and I totally forgot to back up my hard drive which meant I lost EVERYTHING.

And no Aiden to buy me a new funky MAC, but I did manage to get a new hard drive (THANK U HASSAN)!!

And here I am again writing feeling rather peckish, in the mood for a BIG MAC

just why

2007-04-21T09:53:00.000+02:00

Why do we HAVE to conform so much an do what everyone expects of us just why? When, had my goals and dreams disintegrated and was conveniently replaced by something more conventional? Why must we compromise so much to the point where our true selves are hardly reflected in our own selves so all that remains is minor glimpses of who we were supposed to be? Where is the truth and the freedom we so fight for when we ourselves are not liberated to truly do what we feel? Why does the media dictate what we should like, who are they to define beauty?

When is the sun ever going to really start shining instead of the fluorescent artificial ones that have lit up our lives because of all the dark clouds hiding the real sun.

Its about time!!

2007-03-13T22:27:00.000+02:00

Its been a long lingering month. When I wake in the mrn, the sun has not bothered to rise. Unfortunately I do not have that option and begrudgingly proceed, a slave to the mundane and conservative human habit of working

A brief stint to Jozi last week however vapourised three days of my working week. It included a training Session at THE companies office in Jozi. I felt like a little Cape Farmer, our humble abode is pale in comparison to the TAj Mahal in Sandton.

Ray and I had my favourite dish at Bukhara, and to seal it all off I had a chocolate ice cream and Haagen Das(my first taste and who my lips yearned for more)

Work has inhabited almost all my time, although I do still have time for some brilliant movie reviews!

Music and Lyrics
With gorgeous Hugh Grant and those adorable laghter lines and Drew Barrymore who also adds her own element of cuteness. Hugh is a Musician (he creates melodies) and Drew is a plant waterer/Weigh Less worker (yeah like how do you ever wear such gorgeous clothes earning a salary from those lousy jobs), Hugh was in a band which had a very catchy song called POP GOES MY HEART but is no a nobody who used to be a somebody.
I am not going to give it all away but I thought it entertaining, perhaps predictable (the usual, guy and gal fall inlove, they both have their own issues to deal with but in the end...they live happily ever after) but the songs I thought were pretty wicked, very catchy and I didnt mind watching Hugh do that hip thing dance move with a tight pants and a mullet hair style.
Hmn a 7/10 I rekon

The Prestige
Its good hey, and I never expected it to be. Two magicians (both very cute) are friends who become enemies.
They try to discover each others tricks and illusions.
I think it gives a few magicians codes secrets, like the trick with the bird! I had no idea that a bird REALLY dies when doing that trick.
Which makes you wonder...about a lot of other tricks. I dont want to tell too much, but listen carefully cause at the end you are going to be surprised!!

That is all I have time for now but please keep glued. I am currently addicted to Smallville, I just completed watching season 3,4 and 5 in the past two weeks!!
So more reviews shall soon be revealed....

2007-02-03T11:11:00.000+02:00

Hello There

So I have had a crazy week, KD (my boyf) and I went to watch 3 Japaneese movies this week, all at the Movie festival.

Waterboys was the best of the three and I must admit one of the best movies I have seen in a really long time. It was really performed with passion, and the humour, aah I laughed me so silly and the guys next to me nearly choked on popcorn with laughter.
Its about these five nerdy outcast guys at a school who decide to d this synchronized swimming number for the school festival and the adventured ajoined to them in collaorating this performance.
It includes a shy teacher(its where the adventure starts), a trainer who has a more arped way of teaching than Mr Miyaagi (from Karate Kid) who has an almost alergic reaction to cool music, and ofcourse your usual "Cool" bunch of kids and a really strong cute girl that the main character falls for.
The cast includes a 'used to be cool kid" with an Afro (bare in mind he is Japaneese), the usual cute but unconfident boy, fanatical areobic dancer, a Japaneese drag queen and so much more.
I would give t 9/10 really super and I really was impressed.

Biliken, a sort of geni who makes wishes come true goes on many adventures with peoples strange requests somethimes he pleases and sometimes he mucks up, a 6 and a half out of ten.

Pulse, a horror which has alredy been done in America (why does America steal all the Japaneese Horror? Its almost as bad as Bollywood stealing from Hollywood), it was ok, and I am assuming its bette3r than the English version.
I screamed my guts out, I dont have the staminer for horrors like i used to and KD occasionall softly scratching me to freak me out even more doesnt help.

A Triangle has three Angles

2007-01-29T19:40:00.000+02:00

Zaara

A gaze was all it was ever meant to be and desire ignited flames which would burn woods which housed many animals which weren’t due to die as yet. As I climbed into a more comfortable position between his arm and chest I smelled his hair and the guilt hit in. I felt nauseous for a brief moment, in my stomach like an invisible ball filled with sickly puss which settled along the lining of my stomach.

He looked at me, with warm eyes, eyes that cared, and I slid in deeper in that embrace, that forbidden embrace.

My phone rang and I let it ring the Beyonce tune, voice mail could take that, Saturdays one should not be disturbed even if it is your husband.

Shibeer and I have known each other four months, we met per accident at a work conference, he was at the Johannesburg branch , I was at the Cape Town branch. At the time I was a well still newly wed, blushing and glowing and blissfully happy.

My husband Sameer was everything husbands should be, epiphany of perfection, kind, sweet and trusting, the sort that cooks supper without being told and gives u unannounced massages without complaining.

I loved Sameer.

Shibeer and I happened by accident, a perpetual accident and like magnets were attracted t each other with a force a force that transcended logical judge ment and moral distinctions.

The first time we slept together, I just lay there, no one made me feel so good. Not that Sameer and I lacked in any way, it was just different, forbidden and something that never could happen again. But everytime I flew down, I gravitated to his bachelor pad and we made the same mistake over and over again until the guilt almost became comfortable.

I was two months pregnant, I always wanted children so it hardly came as a shock in the eighth moth of our marriage. Our parents were ecstatic, Sameers mother literally glowed that she was finally going to become a grandmother.

I looked forward to four months of maternity leave, my mum would help out with the baby and I had my full families supprt. Maybe this would even change me, change my behavior and feelings towards Shibeer

Sameer

He met her per accident really. She was standing in front of him at Seattle Coffee shop and was reading the Business papers. Her hair slightly curled at her forehead and her lips were a sft pinky red, her skin lterally glowed, she was cute, curvy, maybe a bit plump but in a cute way that made him want to cuddle her. But her eyes were deep, pretty, no beautiful and like in those corny romance novels it was love at first sight.

So he nearly stalked here until he realized that she would be at this coffee shop every Saturday morning at exactly 8.30 and even though he wasn’t a morning person, he made sure he could get a glimpse of her for 8 Saturdays thereafter, until one day she actually spoke to him, it really started as her asking to read the paper.

She was funny if not a tad bit shy, her fingers were chubby, and she was not wearing the most flattering t shirt, it looked like she had woken up and jumped into a track top, but it didn’t really matter.

He adored her and would always adore her.

Her kisses were soft and enduring, she had infectious laughter at the arbest thins, a tad bit ditzy, smart in that quirky way. She loved him, he could feel it, and she professed it in letters she wrote on pink Garfield paper, maybe it wasn’t as mch as he loved her but it was enogh and that was all that mattered. Love really wasn’t an equation that had to balance out.

Shibeer

It always hurts, but the pain was unbearale at times, so much so that a few times he would literally stalk her. He flowered her to the coffee shop they used to go to and there she sat, with him, him holding a new guys hands, kissing another mans lips and it burnt him, his wound was infected with hurt and hate.

He was not possessive, he was actually qute a gentlemen, kind and sweet, funny and loving.

He had invested a year in her, he bought her flowers and a gold bracelet for her birthday. They even walked past jewelry stores looking at engagement rings, he envisioned it all with her, a home, a wife, a mother, every single thing. She was part of him, such a big integral part, the heart, the main valve, and she had just messed it all up.

He didn’t understand the excuse, it really wasn’t even one, it was a pathetic excuse, it made him feel weak and frustrated, how could she do this to him. Three months he mourned, silently moaned, to his friends and family he pretended to be happy and okay, inside he was decaying.

It was at a work function where he nearly cracked, when he saw her with the new man, at his work function. She was in the same industry as him, but surely she new that his friends and colleagues would be there, did she have no dignity? No respect for him? He rushed out to get a breath of air on an empty terrace and there she stood, her name was Zaara, and she was spewing her ghuts out.

Zaara

She was happy to be going to Joburg, she needed to be away from a perfect ness which was nearly choking. Sameer and her had been married for four moths and she was having second thoughts, serious second thoughts.

He was getting to her. The clinginess, the doing everything togetherness, maybe she really wasn’t the marrying material. Wasn’t that what Adam had told her. Adam was her first boyfriend the one who broke her heart, the one who told her, she just wasn’t the sort of girl you married, the one who messed her up so bad it took a long time to get strong and regain her self respect again.

Adam was in the papers again, some big deal, some millions he brought into Alaan Gray.

Sameer was perfect too perfect and it was bugging her. She took into consideration her period was due, due ay moment now and that usually made her a tad bit irrational, and emotional.

Four days later, it was very over due and in her stay in Joburg she needed to take a pregnancy test after a very embarrassing encounter of spewing her guts out on a balcony at a la did a work event with a man who was kind enough to get her a tissue.

2007-01-28T14:48:00.000+02:00

Dear Blgspot

I am having a really nice weekend so far. Yesterday i went to watch a movie, Material girls and yes it was aimed at 12 year olds but I was in the mood to watch crap, i was in the mood for something teenagey, a non brainer. Then I also got me a cool beach bag for a bargain (I LOVE THE BODY SHOP) and i managed to get myself the new nigella Lawson book called FEAST.

My cuz just dropped me home I was at a picnic, a HUGE EXTENDED family function and met some of my family (the nice kind) from the UK.

Now I am waiting for THE BOY to pic me up so we can wactch this movie that he really wants to see.

Love Z

2007-01-22T21:50:00.000+02:00

When it pours, it rains, and there wasnt a cloud in the sky today!

Love and a Kitten

2007-01-03T23:08:00.000+02:00

She smiled at him innocently as he picked up the kitten. She didn’t hate cats but she wasn’t particularly fond of them, tolerated them really, only because toleration was the only affection she could really convey to those tiny feline creatures.

Fond memories of a tiny black kitten named Peanut Butter sifted into her head as she tried desperately to forget. She never ever found out Peanut Butters gender but Peanut Butter seemed a uni sex enough name as opposed to Oprah which was her next option.

He picked up his kitten with such tenderness and studied her as if her personality was vividly displayed by her every move. Her face revealed hidden emotions only he and other cat lovers could really decipher, she stood there like a dead duck feeling very artificial for saying “Ah how cute.” and cursed herself for sounding like an idiot.

What she really wanted was to let him know that she cared about things that he cared about purely because she cared about him.

He put the kitty down and it played by his feet purring for more attention.

She almost felt like she was intruding on this world he transported himself to, him and his kitty and she felt awkward.

He disappeared into the kitchen and she patted the kitty on her head between the ears and it purred.

He returned with a glass of juice and she realized she was thirsty and dropped the Nine West bag Nine times fuller than it needed to be.

He slipped his hand into hers and it felt sticky and moist. It didn’t matter really and he stared at her with adoration just as he did a few minutes ago with the cat.

Adoration is what most women yearn for. That feeling of being admired like a Goddess somehow comforts the wickedness and message the media infringes on us for not being, thin and pretty enough. That gaze seemed to comfort that endless nagging magazines message of imperfection, an adoptive mother who constantly pointed out her inadequacies and the real mother who just didn’t care from the start.

She shook that negative thoughts off her like dandruff on a black Melton coat and he kissed her hand and gestured her to sit. They lay there in each others arms with the cat at their feet watching a movie without any sound, the remote not found.

He kissed her again, on the tip of her nose and she closed her eyes to receive it.

When she opened her eyes he was gone and the purring kitten was at her feet.

His death was sudden and they said almost painless.

When he rushed in front of a car to save her Peanut Butter.

2006-12-17T12:23:00.000+02:00

I am moody. I did not plan to be moody this weekend, but moodiness seems to brood when people piss me off. I really did no mean to be moody this weekend. After a difficult week wrt work and other personal dilemmas I planned on just being me this weekend and enjoying the bliss of no demands and responsibility.

On a brighter note, yesterday I went to Kebaab Maal in Sea Point and I must say irrespective of the fact that for the three hours we were seated in the Indian restaurant playing very old Bollywood music no one else had entered or ordered, the butter chicken we ordered was delicious. Sumaya and I were both impressed. The Garlic Naan was crispy without being tough, soft and deliciously garlicky. The stuffed naan was also ok, although I think stuff puraatas are a lot more delicious.

The mango lassi was ok ish, I Think Bibis makes it better, its lighter and sweeter almost like a mango milkshake. But that Butter chicken pretty much won me over, and I would rather go there that to Bukhara albeit Bukhara may look prettier on the outside, Kebaab Mahals Butter chicken made me feel pretty on the inside.

I have always been a big fan of the Sound Of Music and was delighted when I managed to pick up a DVD copy with a special edition Additional DVD for a pretty bargain on one of my many trips to MUSICA with B.

I always wondered how the children of Captain Von Trap have grown up and wondered what they are doing now. Surprisingly few of them are actors today, it was very interesting to see them grown up.

I FINALLY got my Bridgette Jones both 1 and 2 on DVD as well picking it up yet at another bargain at Musica with B again.

Bridgette is absolutely ridiculous. I most certainly wont say I want to be like her, but its so much fun to se all the things she gets up to. The crazy things I think but would never have the guts to do, she would do.

And Mark Darcy, well he is what I call the ideal man. He is worth giving up your last Rolo for.

I got my pride and prejudice DVD last month also, FINALLY, the original one with my Collin Firth and am seriously contemplating getting the Jane Austin box with my Hugh Grant. I am a huge Jane Austin fan although I have not read all her books yet.

Feeling a bit better now, my aunt is coming to visit me this afternoon and am sort of excited for that.

Oh I got a delicious dress yesterday from THE SPACE in Cavendish, it’s a Coleen Eitzen. I am not per sey a fashion victim, hell not at all! I like clothes that are different, and classy. This dress I got is made of cotton a stiff material, with a swirling pouncy bottom till my knee, and has a collar with brown piping. Very 60s ish I guess, I need to get a pair of smart kick ass heels which I am going to try and get from Nine West or some other snazzy store. A smart closed pointy heel. Then just some accessories and I will be done! Eid shopping can be a killer esp when its so close to XMAS.

Got the cutest XMAs cards, gold ones with reindeers and snowmen. AAh Xmas makes me feel all festive. Going to my aunts to celebrate Xmas with gifts and a tree. I need to get some gifts still. I was thinking, those coconut ice in little shortbread cups will look rather festive hey.

Maybe I should make a few of that.

I usually find solace in baking.

Although Eid time will come soon and then it’s nothing to do with solace but mere survival with my MUM!

Last year this Eid I was with Farha. Time sure has passed ever so quickly.

How could an entire year have passed already?

I find solace in writing too. Even if it is just a rant and rave like this one.

What is Sexier than this?

2006-11-30T22:26:00.000+02:00

SEXY?

Is it a very short skirt with an even larger hem with a belt that actually covers the length of the skirt? IS it boobs popping out of bra that hardly fits and a brain the size of a pea or is it a bowl of braised peas in a bit of butter and onion just the way you remember it when your mom cooked a big Sunday lunch?

IS it sexy when like magic you change butter and sugar into a creamy icing with a dash of coco delicatly draped like a satin sheet over a soft spongey chocolate round cake light and tastey or heavy and rich with caramel and cream?

What about a steamy hot pot of butter chicken, seductively aromatic, a rich deep orange colour, a thick spreadable texture that softly coats basmati rice in its strong and erotic flavours teasing your tastebuds and torturing your nose with desire?

So what do you think is sexy?

alive

2006-11-30T22:08:00.000+02:00

My feet hurt cause these heels are painful and unkind inventions that make me taller and hence slimmer and ever so sexy.

For a month I have been working at THE COMPANY and I need to pinch myself to believe that tomorrow is the 1^st December.

A HAPPPPYYYY BIRTHDAY to my cousin Sadiqa who turns 21 yet again!!

It makes me realize that one hardly has time to smell the flowers. We have a frangipani tree in our garden and honest to god as much as I love those pretty flowers I do not know if they have bloomed as yet. I have not looked at them. They are my favorite flowers and no I cannot buy them at Woolies as you can with almost every other conceivable item.

They tiny are white with this yellow centre but they smell like an expensive perfume, sweet and feminine, and that something extra that just makes dreams come true.

I am alive and happy none the less.

Had a really super weekend that passed and tomorrow I go watch the New Bond movie. Oh yeah baby!

I hope tomorrow I don’t forget to smell the frangipanis…

new

2006-11-07T19:04:00.000+02:00

I sat there daunted by the gleaming silver tables. The girls looked intimidating and unfriendly. I wore my new suit and felt stiff and awkward.

In my discomfort zone I get nauseous for a familiar face, an sms from HIM comforfts me some what.

I Know that I was going to be ok before I even got here.

Five days have passed by too quickly, and the learning curve is nearly perpendicular to the axis which I thought I would never get to.

Shiny things only shine from certain angles, and when you look at it from a different perspective its almost a different picture altogether.

My first week at my new work is going just fineJ

Movie Review DON

2006-10-22T21:21:00.000+02:00

Sharukh khan seriously has a face for every occasion, and with mere changes of expressions can transform from being a dilly-silly village boy to DON, a mafia type guy who will even get Mr Bond in a Tizz!

Not that I would have voluntarily have gone to watch the movie especially at its location, Canal Walk the craziest place to be the weekend before Eid.

So under duress I am dragged there. The cinema seating is nice and spacious and the cinema bigger than usual.

The opening scene I cannot even remember but I am betting it was with Sharukh doing something that yet again my good friend Bond would have done.

Anyhow I remember when Kareeena makes her brief appearance, dancing provocatively in a club. Now what Indian movies short fall on is realistic story lines, but that is easily compensated by the glitz and glamour.

So Mizz Kapoor is literally throwing herself at Don (Sharukh) when she has to make a phone call to her aunty who she lives with who is worried of her?? I mean how stupid that is, anyhow she really is calling a police man who would like to catch Don. You see Don killed Kareena’s fiancé so she is acting in revenge, for her poor lover.

Rest assured Don beheads her in a rather clever move, making the incompetent police yet again look like idiots. Why don’t they get secret agents like Bond I keep asking myself?

Enter Priyanka Chopra doing a bit of Kung Fu in some kind of gym room showing off a very toned and worked out body with her hair like she walked out of a salon and make up as if she was going to be a clown for my six year old cousins birthday party.

As can be predicted, Chopra is Kareena’s fiancés sister and she seeks revenge on Don for her brother and his fiancés death.

Eventually Donn screws up in a race and the police officer mentioned gets hold of him. He decides to get another guy who looks exactly like Donn to replace the real Donn and that is where the movie gets funnier and interesting.

The first half is boring, over the top and on more than one occasion I closed my eyes (sleep deprivation creeps in however)

The second half gets you guessing and I sat upright and never closed my eyes once, well to blink of course!

The end, is different and unexpected.

Of course there are super phony lines especially at the end when the girl confesses to Don on his almost deathbed the, “I love you” line. .

But nearly four hours after walking into the cinema, I leave, Canal walk busier than ever , get home at past five and count the minutes till bhuka timeJ

6/10 and that is me being kind

F A I T H F U L

2006-10-17T21:54:00.000+02:00

In front of God these vows are said

To be forever yours till either of us is dead

I am a person on my own

But next to you I sit on my thrown

We are not one, but from one bread we eat

No races we run no one to beat

We help each other with what needs to be done

And never forgetting we are not one

Cause death will come and then we must be strong

But for now and seven lives after to each other we belong

We drink from one cup and the water is blessed

With each others hearts and heads we will never mess

We wont hurt each other, but fights will come

Silly moments, where we both will be dumb

We both know this but its part of this pact

Marriage is hard, it’s a known, unbeatable fact

With joys and sorrows and all imbetween

And tradition, family and Islam as our deen

I hereby take you as my man

And by your side I promise to stand

And be your wife till death do us part

I hereby give you my whole heart

Respect it well and treat it right

With kindness and delicacy with no spite

Understand and challenge it, it comes with a brain

And when it weeps help to take away the pain

And when it needs a shoulder to cry

Comfort it dearly and don’t ask why

And if you can promise to do all of this

I can promise you darling eternal bliss

U N F A I T H F U L

2006-10-17T21:37:00.000+02:00

I give him a long stare, I breath deeply as he takes my hand in his and whispers my name in my hair. He holds me close and strokes my hand with soft kisses on my forehead.

I look at him and he kisses me and whispers, “I love you”

“I love you too” I respond and my eyes goes watery as I think of the night before.

He ushers me into his car and we leave his flat and head off to the movies, I am quiet all along the drive, contrasting very much from my constant verbal diarrhea. He parks the car in the basement and we head off to the movies as we have done a thousand times before. He buys a popcorn and shakes on some cheese and chives flavoring and balances a giant Coke in his free hand.

We get comfy in uncomfortable cinema seats, he holds my hand and asks if I am ok, I Lie and say I am fine.

But I am not really, I am feeling guilty and trapped.

This perfection we have, ought to be enough, but it just doesn’t suffice and somewhere between being inlove and today I fell out of love with him.

It happened a while ago but the exact date I cannot decipher, the emptiness replaced the love that resided in my heart. I know he still loves me. I see it in his eyes, and I wonder if he can see in my eyes that I no longer love him. I suspect he does, cause he holds my hand with a tight grasp, anticipating I m going to leave him.

As the movie progresses he occasionally kisses my forehead and holds me tight.

I don’t touch the popcorn.

Midway through the movie I feel nauseous and run to the bathroom.

I vomit.

I don’t have much in my stomach but for three days in a row I have been waking up and vomiting.

He runs after me and into the cubicle I am crawling in. He pats my back and hands me a piece of hard paper, the kind you wipe your hands with not your mouth with.

He isn’t that stupid, he knows and because we never ever did it he knows it’s not his.

And even through all that he holds my smelly hand and we walk to his car.

We sit silently all the way till he gets to my place.

He leans forward and kisses my forehead.

I hug him tight.

The emptiness dimmers and I remember why I love him so.

I get out of the car relived, feeling somewhat safer and a bright light blinds me.

I wake u in a hospital bed, and a doctor standing next to me with my mother.

I barely make out what they are saying but I decipher the doctor with a heavy Durban accent saying, “She lost the baby” and I remember her astonished look, perplexed and puzzled.

They realize I am conscious and the doctor urges me to take it easy but I need to explain.

“He’s dead now.” She tells me.

I didn’t want the baby anyhow, it would have complicated life and mine was complicated enough. But having him with me I realized that I was stupid to have doubted this love he has for us, more so stupid for not realizing what a great thing it was that we had, that he and I were meant to be. That this was my Leo and I was his Kate, and then it hit me, it was way too early to know whether the baby was a girl or boy and the he my mother was speaking of wasn’t the he I had assumed it to be.

The end

Favourites

2006-10-12T22:15:00.000+02:00

This piece has aptly been tittled favourites as it will depict some of my favourite movies which have impacted on my life.

Like an oldie which was not the hugest hit ever, but sparked a bit of my passion to the business world and inspired me to cut off my long hair, Sabrina, a chaffeurs daughter who falls inlove with the rich and handsome Harrison Ford.
My favourite character in the movie is her father, who became a chaffeur so he could have a lot of time to read. Well the bit where he took note of which shares Mr Ford invested in making him a millionare who drives cars was kinda cute too.

But the transformation of Julia Ormand with her long wavy hair, unconfidant and shy, transformed intot the beautiful elegant lady, but still unchanged, soft gentle and femine, just touched me. Also I think Julia Ormond has that innocent untouched beauty untainted by that vileness of Hollywood, with Sex and Money and plasticness. She is just beautiful and I think very few actresses can compare with it.

Then there is Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth, oh that gorgeus Colin Firth, made me date Stiff Pricks with gherkins stuck up their arses hoping that they too would change like dear Mr Darcy did. When he gets out of the pool at Pemberely and Elizabeth see's him, just that brief look, stare between Liz and Darcy aaaaah I endure the three hours just to see that glance, well my sis and I both! And that bit where Lady Catherine De Burgh washes Lizs face with all that high society BULL SHIT and Liz merely tells her to shove it and get a life (well much more eloquently put).

And I had to include an indian movie, why did i like Veer Zaara, well cause Zaara lives most of her life turning into an old ugly woman and Veer lives for love. I liked that not all love stories ended with thenm living ahppily ever after with kids and the perfect indian ending. I like that Veer is Indian and Zaara is muslim and they cross even the religion boundry which we barely even tread on.

And yes these are all love stories cause in the end what movie isnt a love story?

Strong women who marry men their mothers dont approve of, society shuns, not marrying for money no mater how desperate they may have been. I am sick and tired of the easy option, i am sick and tired of having all these constraints which limit us to love anyone, having love dictated to us.
And YES we risk getting our hearts broken, yes we will fall and break and CRY but let us do that, its called LIVING and FEELING, things I Think God wanted and wants us to endure to understand.

There is a saying, I read in a book tittled "When you here hofbeats think of a Zebra" and it says knowing yourself will help you know God and when in a relationship, you end up learning so much about yourself.

Sometimes you meet a few fruitcakes along the way but thats only cause when the real one comes along, you will appreciate what you have.
I was chatting to my friend Liz and she was saying, Love without prejudice, without restraint but when past hurts have scarred its a bit hard, and that is unfair to your current love.
So love stories and movies exist not to show everything is perfect, but bumps along the road will come in all fairytales, but in the end, YOU chose to be happy.

I do not think we all end up with our soulmates and great loves, if you do, I think you are very lucky, but just meeting him/her, I think that is wonderful, better than wonderful, i think its magic. I think love is magic, so be bedazzled by it, listen to the sweet tunes which seep through shy glances, touch without hesitation, and love with your whole heart before it all disspaears for death will surely come, it might come earlier than expected.

Death is the only thing we all are certain of, everything else is either a gamble, a risk, fate and if you lucky a magic trick disillusioning you into seeing only what you yearn to see, love comes and goes, hurts and stings, strains and pains.
In the end its about a scale and weighing the benefits with the costs.
I think i Know which way my scale is leaning towards...

goodbyes to come and approaching exams

2006-10-10T05:48:00.000+02:00

I am leaving Clicks and I do not think Liz is very happy about it. I got the call yesterday from the Company and I am over the moon although a tad bit intimidated by the Stilletto heels and fitted jackets soon to come.

I am solemnly swearing on my Blog from hence forth I will be a devout reader of the business parts of the newspapers. Oh why are new jobs so daunting?

The exciting bit is restarting a new life sort of, one can reinvent who you are, since no one really knows me, although Ryan from Hons also is there, I got him at the Interview, Eish UCT people everywhere Oh Dear oh Dear!!

But back to leaving work, work where I got used to Liz’s chats about everything, the laughter, fun , FUN lotsa fun shall be missed. No more morning koeksusters and tea time at 10, I am going to be a big girl now!

Speaking of which my cousin Waseem is starting Matric Exams today so a very big GOOOD LUCK and all the best and Break a Leg!!!

Ramadaan, dates, cakes and Boeka Boeber Birthday Jols!!

2006-10-04T21:35:00.000+02:00

So on Sunday was my Uncles 50the surprise birthday party and it was super kwaai, we had a braai and everyone was there even my Boyfriend (B) shock upon all shocks.

I looked super snazzy with hair hair blow dried and my Kiff haircut, white linen jacket and new white ballet pumps I got at a bargain, now to get a red pair with a matching bag. Oh and stole my sisters new white bag aunty fowzie got her for her bday. If i died my hair blonde i would have looked like Paris hilton (well that and walking on stilts, getting 10 shades lighter and losing 150kgs of weight yaw)

I left B to play with Brymie since they both dig chess more than dhaljies, whilst i assisted with stuff in the kitchen. Not that much was needed as Hafi and Sara are rather efficient.

We had Moracan chicken and Braai complete with bibis Kitchen Samoosa's, Moms soup, benjans Boeber, Woolies choc milkshake, salads, Mums Pie (legendary), fruits and lotsa Appletiser.

The youngers click, (my cousins and my auntie Zaida since she is part of the younger click) was suposed to sit outside, breathing in deep breaths of Spring quickly had to be transported into the longue when an unexpected outpour of rain magically appeared out of a nearly blue sky.

So we boeka inside and its only fun from the start where my cousin Sadiqa is only hilerious with my little cousin Sara being the perfect hostess.

I made a chocolate cake, we sang and let my uncle blow his 50 candle out awaiting a Speech but he got lost for words so we ended up having masala tea cake and lots of conversation.

All in all a very successfull boeber jol!! HAPPY 50TH UNCLE!!

RABIA's crown birthday was on Saturday night, well a belated birthday party and i must say we were equally flabogasted at her cullinery talent (move over nigella).

On the menu was the CULT favourite LASAGNE, a devine potatoe bake and chicken with such a wicked combination of flavors including ORANGES. Yes, biting into a boutjie I was attempting to discover the flavor on my palette and low and behold it was orange, tastey refreshing and very unusual, a bit like Rabia HAHA. the Pecan nut Pie was definately better than the ones you get in a box from Woolies and even had chocolate in it.

I am inlove, that Pecan nut Pie and me
were meant to be!!

Anyhows Happy CROWN BIRTHDAY RABIA!!

Hanging Out

2006-10-04T21:29:00.000+02:00

It has been a long time since I last posted anything, and around the next bend FAST approaches, which I gather will leave me with more time to veg out infront of my belovered pc screen.

Work has been keeping me busy, amongst other things which include being a movie reviewer. Well not really a reviewer more like a reviewers partner whilst watching movies not available to the public, and you will therefore find that a regular piece on movies I have watched and my review on it.

I am a simple girl, with simple tastes and prefer the pastels to the glitter and glamour.

I discovered or rediscovered the coziest little place ever. THE TRAIN in sea Point which albeit has a view of the main road in Sea Point, nothing cosy bout, that , one is quickly removed from the hustle and bustle at the waterfront with its tourists and models or from the much dreaded Canal walk (KANALLA) where you are likely to bump into everyone you seriously have no desire to see.

On Thursday eve, instead of watching the usual movie I ended up going to Canal walk to meet a friend of a friend, and meet up for a cup of coffee (or Chocolate milkshake). So off we hit in the dense traffic of Cape Town Woodstock (more like I sit and chat away as a passenger and not very reliable co pilot) and wonder, why the busiest Mall in CT is situated in the middle of Nowhere literally? There are so many entrances I always get lost, so many shops ALL selling those long t shirts and we ALWAYS seem to get be in maze when trying to locate the car. I was disappointed in the Milkshake, pleasantly surprised at the good company and after three hours we head off home, from the middle of no where.

The other night after work my friend Razeena decides for us to watch a movie after her exams so Rabia picks me up in her TT, and off we gallivant to watch that new chick flick movie with Lindsey Lohan but yet again underestimate the turmoil in traffic when we hit town so opt to get French fries at Steers and enjoy the warm Spring nights we have so missed these last six months. The view was pretty over the Bay, there was some kind of Magicians show on, making the atmosphere all happy and jovial and after debating on Marcels or not we head off to watch Hoodwinked (I would give it a 7 and its mainly cause I kinda smaaked the wolf)

Anyhows, on a beautiful Spring day when the sun shone brightly off I ventured to the beautiful Kirstenbosch. I dunno how housewives get to be so efficient and manage time so well, I completely lose track of time and am fondly rescued by the so convenient and creative woolies and get a few deli products which I could have claimed as by products of my excellent culinary talents had I not been caught walking down the road with my pick n pay green bag after catching a taxi from Vanguard MALL ( no comment).

Actually let me comment, the Mall is not that bad to shop in, if u need something in a rush its literally on the doorstep (when u have a car yeah).

But where was I, so I think everyone had the idea of a picnic and I walk with my neat picnic sack on my back with plates, cutlery and pretty glasses with a check table cloth very frustrated on not finding a nice shady spot.

Then there is those speckled chickens (why cant I remember what they are called just now) only indigenous to South Africa acting all territorial over that the last shady tree and I nearly want to tell it I’m eating his distant cousin on a roll from Woolies with some green chutney (just to let him know I am dangerous).

And after like two hours, the wind picks up and its icey cold, luckily I anticipate this (who am I kidding I don’t!! but my company does and I end up wearing jacket whilst he freezes his ass off) and it’s a cold wintery Cape town eve yet again.

But thankfull for a few hours of pretending its summer, feet breathing in flip flops and short sleeve t shirts.

Now the beach and hikes, picnics and nature anytime, but until summer makes its more permanent residence in my beautiful city, Canal walk, Waterfront, Cavendish and yes even New comer Vanguard Mall with its All Halaal menu will have to be my hang out joints!!!

I was tagged by Toughedah!!!

2006-08-03T11:42:00.000+02:00

Four movies I've watched over and over again:

1. Sabrina (with julia ormand)
2. Brigette Jones Diary (damn colin firtha nd Hugh grant yum)
3. Legends of the Fall (MY BRAD screw u Angelina )
4. Sound of music, yes i love that movie and i know all the songs out of my head

Four places I have lived:

1. Rylands
2. Surrey Estate

Four things I could NOT live without:

1. the beach, sun and suntan lotion, pool oh and goggles
2. Books
3. Money
4. Good hair products inc my blow dyer and my MOCK GHD haha

Four TV shows I love to watch:

OPRAH
Brace face the cartoon
Prison Break was wicked
Im into comedies so seinfeld, frasier, all those golden oldies

Four places I have been on vacation:

1. Garden route backpacking so cool
2. Durban so hot

3. Arnistan/saldanah/hermanus around CT
4. Mauritius aaah

Four of my favourite foods:
1. Prawn Chaat from bibis Kitchen like YORRRR and . Butter Chicken from Bhukharas

2. Dessert: Creme caramel made straight from the packet oh yeah baby

3. Dessert: Chocolate milkshake from that shop net to Melissas in Newlands, oh whats it called again

4. Roast chicken with sweet rice, sweet poatoes the way my mum makes it
Four places I would rather be right now:

1. The beach
2. the sea
3. a place where its 36 degrees and i can swim
4. in brad pitts arms???

4 People to Tag:

1. Tina
2. Shariman
3. Ra'eesa (cause I can)
4. Farha
4. Fazrey
4. Nuri
4. Sumaya
4. Rabia

The Beggar

2006-07-28T23:42:00.000+02:00

I saw this lady once or twice she came knocking at my door

She asked for just a piece of bread, she asked for nothing more

It surprised from the others, who would almost demand for me to give

And I wondered if just a piece of bread would be enough for her to live

She was skinny and old, yet so independent

I thought of leftover crusts I threw in a bin, I wanted to repent

She had on a blue dress, clean and neat

But brown, broken and too small sandals were on her feet

Her teeth were almost rotten, her hands were dry and old

She had no jersey or jacket to protect her from the cold

Her eyes were warm and honest, I felt that in my gut

I wondered how she ended up as a beggar, what an unfortunate rut

I told her to wait a few moments then closed the door in her face

And kept on wondering what she had at her home, did she have her own little place?

I collected some leftovers and microved it warm

I packed a bag of fruit, apples and a pear

But when I opened the door but she was not there

I realised then she was seated on the floor

With her naked legs and battered feet, she could have asked for more

She could have asked for a home like mine

With food on a table at night

She didn’t deserve the abusive man, oh God that isn’t right

I looked at the floor and looked at my feet, new Boots I bought in June

And in my cupboards filled to the brim, new, clothes? Oh no there is no room

I thought of a fight I had with my mum, about something that I wanted

I think of the fight, the ugly words and the unnecessary way I ranted

I think of my dad who has always been there, to protect me from the bad

And for all that I had, I realised, I ought to be really glad

Cause sometimes my friends you think you have nothing and life always is a bore

But then I remember that women and recalled that she asked for a piece of bread

Appreciation

2006-07-26T18:20:00.000+02:00

The confusion runs wild in my head

And I look across the busy room

I reminisce on what she’s said

And I see the infinite gloom

I cannot give up on what we have cause if it goes that way

It is unfair, unjust, untrue to let our love decay

I know perfection is not what we have

Our problems are indeed great

But half perplexed I wonder why, if meeting you was not fate

You would have to sacrifice a lot, I know,

I wish it was more clear cut

But there is something real and magical

I can feel it in my gut

We will fight I am sure, I will slam the phone in you ear

But even through all that shit, the greatest thing I fear

IS for all of it to end, because we never gave us a chance

Which will be the untimely death of our little romance?

This is more that just lust

Or something childish like before

Where I dominantly fought being inlove,

The truth I would ignore

I am older now and smarter too

But a little girl I still am

But instead of all this childish gloom,

I am glad you are my man

Oh I ponder and wonder

2006-07-19T21:22:00.000+02:00

Sometimes I ponder if things would have been different.

Like what if I studied to be a writer instead. Would any of my stuff actually have been published? I wonder if I ever will be a top notch stock broker, or a sort after analyst, an Oscar winning actress or script writer, a Grammy winning song writer, a suicidal artist, or a chef that makes Jaimie Oliver stutter and Nigella actually look unsexy but I settle for the unpublished poet.

I go on and further explore my past relationships and wonder, would things have been different if I went out with the guys who asked me out, who I hesitantly refused cause I was too shy or scared?

Would I be a married lady, would we have holidayed in Maurituis at Berjaya?

What if I married that boy who dumped me after a few weeks but politely proposed first, would I be divorced, pregnant and yet again suicidal?

What if I never studied and got a job being the assistant to Nolene on SABC 3 and after 6 years have my own talk show raising interesting topics like, “Why Barbie Dolls have waists equivalent to the size of their thighs?”

What if I was rich would I be driving a new Mercedes with expensive obnoxious mags, and loud system sporting my Bangra collection I would have acquired by then fulfilling every Indian mothers dream of her eldest daughter being an accomplished, lawyer, doctor, engineer, accountant or economist?

But things are very different, I take a taxi to Clicks head office and mess a around with numbers learning what a big company does, enabling me to have first hand knowledge of what the operational side is like in running a huge retail store which further aids my experience and development as a top retail analyst, making the likes of Merill Lynch, Allan Gray and all those other snooty Mercedes driving company workers, very impressed with my work, after which I become a HOTEL analyst, holidaying at the likes of Berjaya in Maurituis, with an amazing guy, who doesn’t give a damn that my waist is not the size of an anorexic Paris Hilton (Heiress to a Hotel Empire I must add for the intellectually challenged), inspiring me as a muse to write beautiful published poems, and songs they will use in Isidingo for the greatest romantic couple to grace our screens since Brooke and Ridge in Bold and the Beautiful, namely Rajesh and Lee.

I will then have lots of babies, ok two and cook butter chicken on Sundays with all the

side dishes and finish it off with a cheesecake for dessert from a Nigella Lawson cookbook.

Another Unpublished poem

2006-07-19T21:10:00.000+02:00

The depths of this despair

My tormented soul cannot bare

So I try with agony and shut it out

At this uninterrupted, tainted time of doubt

My heart feels heavy, and my body cold

A hundred times before I was told

He’d break my heart, I would burn and fall

I so want to sms him and long to call

I feel so edgy and sad inside

It feels like my insides have died

I want to scream, I want to shout

I can’t remember what the argument was about

I really love you, I truly do

I have confessed this secret to a chosen few

I want to squeeze and hold you tight

I want it to be last Saturday night

When all was well, you loved me so

Where ever I went, you would follow and go

I’m feeling sad, confused, alone

And want to be neither at work nor home

I miss you so much it feels unreal

This pain and agony I refuse to feel

Nothing can be done, I must wait and see

What my future and fate will be

But as I wait with baited breath

I endure a slow, lingering, unsaintly death

DVD - SNL

2006-06-13T22:45:00.000+02:00

He looked at me with those eyes, hungry wasn't the word to describe it, I wasn't edible, I was that meal he was going to devour after being lost in a desert for days and I was the main course.

I teased him a bit and smiled so shyly, attempting to talk of everything else. I picked up a DVD in the Look and Listen store.

"Hmn, this looks good, a bit melodramtic, but I like that" I say matter of factly, looking at him out of the corner of my eye, half my view is hidden by my fringe.

He jut stares at me, not listening, not commenting not participating in my conversation at all.

"Don't you think so?" I ask politely, persisting, passing the DVD on to him.

"I can't quite think right now." he says, almost like subtly commanding me to shut up.

I like seduction games, where you kind of play with your prey first and then eat them alive.

Thats seduction, when you don't even know you're in danger. When you so unsure on what is, when reality's rigid structure falls apart, when you're too late to evacuate a building thats going to explode. My passion builds, I want him, I want the same things that he wants, if not more, so much more, and my insides starts to burn with a forbidden desire, that temptation of forbidden fruit, some things are just worth being banished forever for.

He moves closer to me and very gently grabs my arm. Its almost like in slow motion.

"This way Zuleigha, that lady can't pass through"

"Oh" I stammer, I thought he was going to embrace me with a kiss and was anticipating for him to do just that.

His mask falls back on, those brown eyes, mystery eyes, as cliche as it may sound are covered once more, behind that mask hides my man.

"Titanic?" he asks, looking at me perplexly, absurdly, holding the DVD that I had passed on to him.

"You got to be joking." he laughs at me and places the DVd back on the shelf.

yeah, i must be fucken joking!

A poem

2006-06-11T14:42:00.000+02:00

There is this funny face you make
It echoes in your laugh, nothing fake

When you say my name it sounds so real
And when our hands nearly touch, in my heart I can feel

You really do care, this is something more than a dance
I'm mesmerised by what is happening, half in a trance

We go for coffee at a place by the sea
The ocean beating against the sand, no other place I want to be

Past hurts used to haunt and stop me from reaching up high above
Made me a disbeliever in the concept of love

But with your patience and humour I think I see some hope
I no longer long for the my ciggies and my cheap dope
My pessimism is gone, my thoughts no longer infested with the need to proceed on a path to prove my worth
I no longer wonder, confused, upset for my purpose on earth

Its not all perfect, there are so many things still that needs to be fixed and improved
But I've learnt to believe agian, to feel like its worth risking, my heart, my head, my ideals

So thank you for the miracle you did, I must confess
Having you in my life makes me feel less in a mess

3 o clock?

2006-06-11T14:29:00.000+02:00

Last night I woke up and it was exactly at Three o clock when I woke. Which freaks me out. A friend told me, 3 o clock is the bewitching hour and Im the biggest scardy cat. The night before i also woke up at that hour. I was freaked again.

I sleep with my pc on so i can have a bit of light (eskom better not hear that) but i promise u I totally imagine stuff. Like i have this poster witha bridge and a lake on it and then i imagine that girl fro The ring gets out o the water and walks onto the bridge into my room. AGhhhhh and then i stare at the picture all the time.

Its a very funky black and white pic but yaw. Then I go online and read bloggs or chat. Im weird like that.

When i first got my pc with internet I would be online half the night, i think im better now.

But do u think 3 o clock is a bewitching hour?

Love an opinion piece

2006-06-08T23:18:00.001+02:00

“Falling inlove (or lust) and fear feel a lot alike. They both give you that anxious butterfly feeling in your stomach, a sense of excitement, and a general unease physically and mentally. Its easy to confuse love with fear.”

Obtained from a book called “Its called a Breakup cause its broke”, by Greg Behrendt and Amira Routola- Behrendt, that people who brought, “He’s Not that into you”

Perhaps I’m being way too cynical here (or too accepting) but we do not always marry whom we were most in love with. Sometimes passion is a dangerous substance to consume in reality. I believe that for every person, there is ur soul mate, but very few of us actually meet them. And if you do, ure vrek lucky. But that does not mean u have to marry them.

Defn of marriage:
Main Entry: mar�riage
Pronunciation: 'mar-ij also 'mer-
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English mariage, from Old French, from marier to marry
Date: 14th century
1 a : the state of being married b : the mutual relation of husband and wife : WEDLOCK c : the institution whereby men and women are joined in a special kind of social and legal dependence for the purpose of founding and maintaining a family
2 : an act of marrying or the rite by which the married status is effected; especially : the wedding ceremony and attendant festivities or formalities
3 : an intimate or close union

There is no mention of love, it is merely a UNION.
I am NOT saying people who are married are not INLOVE no!!

But come on, using simple statistics and psychology, we meet guys all the time, if they are cute, we are sort of attracted (physically attracted), when we are exposed to their wicked sense of humor we become personality attracted, then you become friends or share a conversation and start getting emotionally attracted, he is understanding and kind, then he starts complimenting on ur laugh and the butterflies start.

Now come on, this happens a couple of times in ur life, IT DOES, and yes it varies, some are funnier, some are sweeter, some are cuter etc, but it happens a couple of times, yet each of us have 1 great soul mate.

defn of love
a strong positive emotion of regard and affection
a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction;

Doesnt this happen often, i mean for me it has at least.

def of soul Mate:

Classical - Greek mythology - Originally humans were combined of 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head made of 2 faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spending their lives searching for the other half to complete them. This theory was first explained in Plato's Symposium.

Spiritual and religious - concepts of reincarnation and karma. Soulmates have spent many previous lifetimes together.

Companion soulmate - People with whom one has made a connection.

Twin flame soulmate - A popular romantic belief that there is only one true soulmate.

Scientific Soulmate - (If) a relationship can be quantified, and scored according to an internal happiness scale. A scientific soul mate is the person with whom you are the absolute happiest. You would therefore be less happy with any other person in existence.

But how do you no when u are happiest, u cant measure it. And because u are with different guys at different times of your life, u cannot compare the two cause the variables in your life change all the time and its not like u can make them stand still cetrus paribus!!

I think love can be defined by stats, all this bull shit on destiny is K@K cause what’s the chances of u meeting ur other half 1 in 40 billion or how ever many people there are in the universe.
Also, culture, religion, race all play a role.
It segregates us, and if this great Soul mate theory was true, surely it would overcome societies social norms which dictate what is acceptable or not.

There are so many barricades, fences and powers that stops us from meeting our soul mates. Love is just a chemical reaction, its all hormones induced and after a while dries up. Marriage is a Union, which needs to be OKAYED by society indoctrinated by the Media.

I may have gone off on a tangent, but I do not think we marry the ones who we were destined to be with, An Imam, social status, society norms, money, honor to parents, all of that influence whom we love, or who is our soul mates.

Perhaps I’m a pessimist, I don’t think I I’m just a realist who refuses to accept that my life is going to end up like a Bollywood movie, but I still am the Eternal Optimist, BRAD PITT will me MINE!!!!!

2006-06-08T13:03:00.000+02:00

My favourite Disney cartoons are a cross between the little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast. Although I loved Alladin and Hercules as well and one can't leave out the Lion Kig which goes in its own class altogether.

But theLlittle mermaid. AAAAAAAAh. DId u know that in Hans Andersons real story that the disney production was based on, well she dies in the end an becomes foam and the prince lives happily ever after with the witch?? That is the PROPER ending!!

I mean what does that imply?? Say??

As much as I love these tales...is it something I want to teach my children, that a prince will save my little girl and my son must grow up to be a prince?

Still as women we have a need to be rescued, which is annoying cause we dont, yet there is something that posioned our minds for such a long time making us believe we need to be.

I loved Shrek (well eddie Murphy stole that show) but more so because, princess Fiona choses Shrek and in the end becomes ugly.
Now you dont want to encourage your kids to be ugly either, but I think the movie is in a gentle way trying to contradict what the media and magazines presses us to believe.

That's what I think. This is an unedited, totally ill structured opinion piece. I had these pretty pics and I just needed to add some words, and now I have so I should rather end off here.

THank u guys

2006-06-08T12:46:00.000+02:00

I feel like I'm giving an Oscar speech but here goes:

A special Shout out to da following people for their sms's and calls and e mail and poems and visits, and alles on my bday! it was well received and appreciated:
Aziza, Zainub, Afroz, Naz, Raz (in da UK c u friday), Benjan, Riedowaan Mamoe, Aunty Fowzie, Hafi, Zaida, Begam, Nuri an Shabs (the twins), Chantal, Small farha in Maur( soz bout that call), Tou (ma china alwayz), ray (dat poem), Rabs (spirulina), Ielie, Dika (for the sms, call and visit wen we going to canal walk???), Fazrey (thanks:) had a g8 time), Mumany (the cake yuuuuummm), the bois, (waseem, adam and khalid), Daadie, Sumaya Lahri nee Sayed, Sumaya Ismail (had jol thanks), Fowzie, Sitchie mamoe (yes we turned 21 again), Raouf (6pm 06.06.06 haha), Ahmed (yes i am sad), Samir, mehrun and Awa!!!

Dates

2006-06-07T15:11:00.000+02:00

I don't know exactly why but I thought this picture out of all picture depits love and affection most adequately. The way Simba stands tall and loks ahead with a vision of a future and Nala although opinionated and independent, cuddles up to Simba.

I mean there is just so much contradiction wrt love these days. As a woman you would want to be independent and stand tall, high and strong yet there are desires for a man to be by your side, without compromising your independence, or losing your inividuality.

the question arises, DOES a guy have to pay for dates? Does he have to call you first? I have paid for dates, I've called first. Was this wrong? How much do you or dont you do? Do u really want him to save you, resue you from reality?
Will being a mother and a wife compensate for the world of wonder that lays out there for us. WIll it satisfy the ever building curiosity for truth, will it quench the thirst for accomplishment, will it erradicate the need for acceptance and appreciation? Am I using big words to describe nothing?

AM i being too independent?

What are issues?

Am I being to liberal, with love, do you have to be old fasioned?

Then there are guys that buy you huge prawns on first dates, is that showing off?? DO i care for a prawn, for me it's more about the company, does he make me laugh (LOL too!), is he smart, does he have opinions or god forbid he agree with everything I say (hate that).

Not that I have been on that many dates, but you get the drift.

I just ponder on these things, I wonder on what is and is not accptable, on whether they are guidelines or whether they are society and media's norms.

I better end off now before I go off another tangent.

But what is your opinions on all this?

Lemon Merangue

2006-06-02T13:49:00.000+02:00

Finally lemon Merangue and its heavenly:)

the base:
1 pkt tenis buscuits
125ml melted butter
The middle:
1 tin condence milk
2 egg yolks
1 lemon rind
125ml lemon juice
The top
2 egg whites
25ml castor sugar

Method:
Base: Bash buscuits up with rolling pin, imagine its someone head (no names mentioned), and add melted butter making a crumbly mixture. Press into a round pirex dish with about a 25cm diametre.
middle: Mix condence milk, yolks, rinds and juice together. Once smooth and nicely mixed, pour onto base. (u can lick the bowel clean if u want, its that yummy, this is the lemon curd actually)
the top: beat up the whites till they peaky (refering to the texture of the egg whites not body parts), and add sugar to it. Now cover your pie with it. Cover all the curd smoothing it out nicely.

Place in oven for about 10 minutes till the tops a bit light brown at 180 degrees celcuis.

Let it cool off a bit and place in fridge for a bit. would set after an hour!!

the brown part of merange will turn into golden syrup after a while in fridge 9just like the wollies merangue does, why i dunno but dont add syrup on top, the merangue will secret its own syrup!

Still to come: Jaimies Choc Brownies, orgasmically delicious!!!

chocolate, love and life (mousse at least)

2006-06-02T13:44:00.000+02:00

this is a bit expensive to make but its soo lekker(like so gharaam, almost as good as that soft bit in a lidhnt Ball), but it needs time to set. its not the same as a normal chcolaote mousse tho, its thinner and not as light and fluffy:

u need to multiply the recipe by three if u wanna make a decent size:

1 large tin ideal milk
14 pink and white marshmallows
100g dairy milk chocooalte

take 3/4 of the tin of odeal milk, choc and marshies on a low heat and melt. stir continously untill all disolves. beat the 1/4 ideal milk . remove warm mixture from pan, and fold in beaten ideal milk.
let it set in freidge for at least 4 hrs at least the longer the better, so do it tonight and set for tomorow.

Pavlova and its flop proof

2006-06-02T13:35:00.000+02:00

6 egg whites
250g sugar
cream of tartar 1/2 tspn

take six egg whites and beat it in a kenwood or any beating mahine as long as the whites peak up and look like styrofoam. (if eggs very small add another use ur jdgement)

next add 250g castor sugar and 1/2 tsp cream of tartar (but if u dont have cream of tartar leave it out, mine still comes out fine) and add to whites continue whipping, until a velvetty mixture, its almost glossy.

then get a silver deepeish tray a 30 by 20 cm one would do, well anything deep really, SPRAY AND COOK it, I've never used butter or anything else. empty the velvety mixture into tdish, spread the middle flattish andcurl it on the sides.

Bake at 150 degrees for half an hur and then 100 degrees for an hour. im assumin u making it tonight right. switch oven off and then leave it in the oven overnight (actually the whole day is fine too, ie whole of tomorow)

the shell will be dry, and chewy but NOT moist. it will not stick to the tray but i DO NOT remove it from the tray either, i just decorate it in the same tray. DOnt put wax paper underneath, ive never tried that, and this is not a time to experiment u need to impress them inlaws:) Jokin

but that really oughtta work

Decorating:

get some woolies custard, the one in a yoghurt plastic container, its just tastier, spread on the flat bit of the pavlova.
thinly slice bananas on top. i sprinkle a lil bit of lemon juice so it doesnt go brown and then sprinkle icing sugar so it doesnt taste sour.I no its as weird as putting salt and sugar in a dish, i just don't get it but its wat ur supposed to do.
next add your cream (about 500mls whipped up).

next fruit, canned peaches, canned pinaplle, if u got a mango is yummy too.This makes the pavlova look pretty. U know some desserts look pretty but taste crap, well this looks delicious and tastes delicious too.

sprinkle with icing sugar for extra sweetness.

Recipes my friends ask me for: Yes I am conceited like that

2006-06-02T13:14:00.000+02:00

Jaimie Oliver says: Never estimate when baking , cause baking is like chemistry with edible substances the quanitites need to be correct to get the right outcome!!!

As most of you know making desserts is my speciality. Im not sure if I enjoy getting my hands dirty or what I find so therapeutic about it, unless of course I HAVE To do it. I hate HAVING to do stuff, but I like doing it in my own time, when I want to.

The mousse and pavlova is my Aunty Atiya's recipe's 'dankie dankie'!!!

Enjoy!!!

The first Time

2006-05-30T18:06:00.000+02:00

The First Time

The first boy I kissed, doesn’t even know

On his lips I did first bestow

A kiss from me, my lips did touch

Without much thought it was such

The first boy I loved, I knew it was fate

On top of a mountain, we parked was where we had our first date

We watched rain fall and blur the perfect view

In his arms, hand in hand something blossomed, something new

We listened to music, my favorite songs, and we talked

On that mountain now I refuse to walk

The first Boy I slept with was sweet as a chocolate chip cookie

I was the untouched, innocent virgin, the rookie

It was perfect ironically, just like in my dreams it went

That boy I used to think was heaven sent

The first man I married, was handsome and smart

In his eyes I could see our new life start

The first five years was such utter bliss

It was that infinite optimism in his arms I will miss

The first boy I kissed, was the first boy I loved u see

He also happens to be the boy who took my virginity

And then we married on a fine sunny day with flowers in my hair

And last night, he was in an accident, the pain I cannot bare

Cause for the first time I have news I cannot share with my sweet

For the first time in my body another heart beats

It’s a girl and I think he would be pleased

But my husband will never know that

Cause for the first time now the doctor said that he has just deceased!

They say Blogg are supposed to have real stories

2006-05-02T19:25:00.000+02:00

But my imagination often runs away with me, none the less an announcement, I am goin to ANOTHER wedding.Ii usually average 1/2 a wedding a year, ie one wedding every two years but now that statitic has increased by hmn 24 times hence 2400% increase cause in the past 2 months I would have attended 4 weddings.

But i told u all about the one in my story a speech and a wedding, but this one is a buds wedding. Now She is my hmmmn sixth friend whose wedding i am attending.

The first one was Rahima, and she has a kwaai story cause her husband and her met over the internet, she was in CT and he was in Canada, he flew down to see her and well now, now my friend is married with two very pretty babies.

Next on board was Mehrun Nisa who is all the way in the UK now and what a pretty bride she did make and yes we knew she was first from the high school group to get married.

Next on board was my uni best friend Sumaya, now that was a cool wedding. You know when u there and everwhere, at the gardens, at her house berie night and all the gedoente. I am thinking of the time we were at her engagement, my only debut in an indian outfit. Anyhows, so we all at the engagement and we have to go up on stage every three minutes so she does not get bored and to touch up on make up. I think of when the imaam is busy making a speech and i burst out laughing at something me and Sumaya both would find hilerious, and she is looking at me and she cant afford to laugh. Notice how brides need to look shy and so together sitting on stage.I might need a sedative if i ever end up sitting on a stage.

Then there was ferzanas wedding, i heard shes having a baby now, so congrats missy, and that ma bru was a la di da affair, u can mos see her husband decorates for a living cuse ma bru the Bandekars at Elite would be impressed, what Gatis is mos his family or wat u say???

Then there was Sumayya's wedding, the first time i saw someone wear an indian outfit and not a wedding dress but very pretty and i must add the best bestman speech ever, her husband Sa'ad has a friend Waleed who got the whole audience in laughter, now come on if you laughing on ur wedding day it only means happiness is to follow.

But now its Naz's turn, and i must say her oak Shameer, is only kak funny on the occasions i have met him, so i skat this wedding is going to be dideluk, cause all of us are gonna be together, Ray came down from Jozi, pity Misa is till in da UK, but i skat Rabs has something up her sleeve, Naj will have something important to say, Raz will be giggling (as usual), Rabz will be her usual effervesent self, Ielie will be the only sane one there and Naz is only going to be over the moon, afterall it is her wedding day!!!

p L a Y e R S

2006-05-01T19:36:00.000+02:00

Have you ever played chess? It’s a very interesting game of strategy with the object being to outsmart your component by maneuvering different pieces in such a way so to capture the king of your opponent.

The queen (self esteem) has the most power and is your strongest piece. Your pawns are your supposed weakest pieces, however if they reach the other side of the board then they become a queen or another more powerful piece.

Bishops are so cleverly disguised and make me believe that they really do care. I am quickly side tracked, tricked and trapped, I need to sacrifice my queen once again.

But Knights are the best, they pretend to rescue me from a fate worse than death. They are the biggest liars because you really believe they going to save you, instead they end up hugging you and stabbing you with a dagger in your back, yes die in my arms they would say smiling and kissing you as the blood oozes out of the wound you were waiting for to heal. That very wound that you had told the knight of, the wound he said he would tend to, only the tend you assumed he was talking of wasn’t the same one he had in his mind.

Come the trusty castle, that guy friend who was always your best friend, who protects your king (heart) who comforts you.

Unfortunately he also always gets seduced by your opponent’s queen and often leaves you in the lurch. Unrequited love leaves a bitter taste on the tip of your tongue and nothing tastes sweet thereafter even if it really is a sweet treat.

In the end all that remains are the pawns and they are disguised cause if they reach the end of the board they could evolve into queens, knights, bishops or castles, you never know which.

In the end, its all about strategy, love my dear is just a game of chess, and even if you do end up checkmating your opponent, you’re still just a PLAYER.

My Nine West Boots with Nine inch heels

2006-04-22T12:01:00.000+02:00

So yesterday I have this interview in town at 12. I wear my Nine West boots which I got at half price in December, cause its the only boot high enough to wear with flared brown pants, which matches perfectly with my see thru white shirt which is so complimented by my black grey long tailored Marion Lyndie Jacket I get from My aunt Hanifa.

I am not a designer wearing kinda person, but I do have these occasional items Vogue magazines brag about.

My mother looks at me and says, " In that shirt, in those shoes?",

and my sarcastic know it all reply is, " Yes in this shirt and in those shoes."

" You are going to be late, you cant do anything in those shoes, and its cold outside"

and my sarcastic know it all reply is," I wont be late and I have jacket."

I walk down my road in pain and agony and I catch a taxi at 11.15. But it was a kind taxi, the "sliding door operator' sees me walking very slowly down the road and reverses for like 100m to come pick me up. Bless his kind soul. My feet are very grateful.

Unfortunately the taxi also takes all the "draaijies" into Brigetown, Silvertown and chases the rabbit down the hole only to find out he's on his way to Wonderland.

I get at the terminis at 11.45 and I got no idea where the building is.
It starts to drizzle.
I am "helilig " over my hair as everyone knows.
So drizzling waters sure as hell messes up my do.

But off I galavant, and a kind lady at a stall selling kitchenware tells me where I need to be.
10 minutes to get there, 9 inch heels, mincing hair and crazy traffic, obstacles which a Surrey Estate 'meisie' handles everyday.

I arrive five minutes late luckily the person conducting the interview is late!!

But everything goes off well, and I am on my way back home.

My feet are killing me, literally. I manage to get a Mannenburg Taxi, not a Heideveld one which means an extra 15 minute walk. Its starts to pour, and I mean buckets of water. Cape Town should NOT be worried about unfilled dams. I get off at my stop, and my mom is not even at home to pick me up (an ideal opportunity to complain on why she NEVER carries her bloomin cell phone). I mentioned its a see through shirt, its pouring, and my jacket is literally soaked.
I am dripping with rain, and a taxi passes me, and the driver feels sorry for me (oh at this point I should mentioned I forgot my purse at home, meaning I had just enough money for one taxi) picks me up and I say, " I have no money!"

He looks at me and asks, " Where did you go to in the rain all dressed up?"

"For an interview for a job." I replied.

At which point the 'gaartjie' chorused in and said, " You will get that job, but even if you do you might need to take a few days off."

Perplexed I turn around and ask, "Why do I need days off?"

His reply, " Cause girly, in this rain, and those heals you definately going to get the flu!"

Mums and 'gaartjies are always right, ATCHOOOO!!!!

PS: Nine West boots are no longer used for my job interviews, just letting you know.

London : Chapter 1 : The last Supper

2006-04-04T20:16:00.000+02:00

The potent smell of dhanya and curry was in the air. If I closed my eyes I would pretend I’m at home. It would nearly be lunch time, on an Eid day, when my mum would make her legendary crayfish curry. My aunt Hanifa would of grilled a pan full of prawns in a delicious combination of garlic butter and chillies and our lunch table would be laid in such a way that a table separated the room in half. We manged to squeeze close to 17 of us on that table, cosy, clustered and cramped. But those were the only complaints, the food was good, company better and dessert with the after party the best.

For three weeks I have been in London, with my cousin Sadiqa. It was all per accident actually, she was a applying for a visa for the UK and I very spontaneously applied too. After being approved and granted the visa, I managed to find me a very larney job as a market researcher for the London Stock Exchange, my credentials and references managed to secure me employment for the next year or so.

So here I was at a friends of a friends place waiting for supper to be served. The house is nice and spacey not so cramped as our place in London. There are 4 of us in the house, luckily Dickie and I got to share our own on suite. We share a communal kitchen , TV room/lounge and a sort of dining area.

In it my room is a s a double bed, two cupboards, a bookshelf and desk, for my books and laptop and a mini hifi.. Sharing a house is different, sometimes the kitchen is messy, so messy even untidy I cant stand it. Breakfests are simple, cereal or toast. Lunches are at work, and suppers, is a twenty minute pasta, or if I’m lucky, ill fix up a curry or breddie. But today I had the luxury of being served and it was heavan!

Dika’s friends, well they a couple, invited us for supper, it was the guy (Cassiem) birthday. I was just tagging along to uhmn meet more people? Truth be told I was finding it hard to adjust, to the cold wintery winds, the few hours of sun, the desperate need to smell the ocean, hearing the words “kanala, vokol, jintu, kant and sumba” amongst other things. But I was here for just that reason, to find out what its like to live away from home, to pay bills, to take a subway (not a taxi refer to “different shit, same day).

As per my personality, I was at first very quiet in London, everyone thought I was unhappy and sad. But I wasn’t, I was just getting used to my surroundings, trying to figure people out and select friends.

Someone whom I had gotten very close to was Ashiqa, a fellow CT gal, who had been in the UK for two years now. She was also working in the finance world, we worked in the same building (but not the same company) and lived like three blocks away from each other. She was sweet, quiet, funny and very soon I realized a good confidant, a fellow “china”. We did all the girly stuff, movies, shopping for clothes, facials and she loved museums and galleries which was so cool so we planned to check all the galleries out, well in the year I had ahead.

Leaving home was anything but easy, I missed home, I missed mum, I missed mums food, I missed dad’s talks on UFOs, ghosts and life, I missed my siblings quarreling, I missed my cousins birthday parties and braai,s, I missed my friends and I missed my ex boyfriend even.

Two weeks ago I was at theairport with half of Rylands waiting at DF Malan Airport.

Uncle anwar was their with his digital camera, my mum cried causing Sitchie mamoe to cry, mumany gives me a prawn solomie as padkos, Aunt fowzie gives me some magazines, Aunt Zaida is snapping away and my Uncle Riedwaan arrives with a box of Biltong and Droewors.

Goodbyes are teary, I chunk as I say goodbye, Toughedah and Sumaya my best buds in the mix, and then my aunt Hanifa gives me a reassuring hug telling me I will be just fine.

I know I will be.

Im sitting in this lounge, on a red sofa. I’m wearing my dark blue levis, the brown Nine West boots I got at half price sale, the white jersey with fur collar I bought with my friend Nuri just before I came to London. My hair is longer now, almost on my shoulders, all blown out, two shades lighter than it used to be. I’m wearing eye makeup and a pinkish red lipstick I got from My aunt Hanifa in my very chic Bobby Brown case.

I am feeling a bit awkward, I don’t know anyone here but luckily Cassiem and his wife Fatima has two very cute little girls, I smile at them and quickly we become friends. Kids can be so cute, and so easy to befriend for me. Very soon, they are laying either side of me wearing pink jamies and big slippers, whilst im reading to them a story of Barbie and the nutcracker very animatedly. Barbie always fascinated me, have u seen all the bloomin barbies you get, my one intention was to go to hamley’s just to check a whole floor of barbies. That would be so awesome, in my next life im going to be a Barbie, like paris Hilton, I think he is just perect. She’s blonde, got blue eyes, legs that reach my neck, models for Guess, this having brains and being clever is so over rated! Then Fatima comes over and tells them to go sleep. Momies do that brilliantly, they just say, “ Come girlies nite nite time” and they obey. Im not a mommy, im the aunt that spoils, that paints and plays, but give me a kid to live with for more than 24 hours I’m sure I would feed her a Bar one for lunch so they can have a 25hour day.

“Aunty Julie, you goin to come visit u again hey, and we goin to watch the new Barbie movie next week, Mummy doent need to take us you can!” a five year old doesn’t ask but commands. She reminds me so of my little cousin Sara. I smile and tell her I will make a plan.

Whilst playing with the kids I did not notice that more guests had arrived and were sitting on the other side of the room. Three guys and two girls. Sofia was one of them, I knew her cause she had come down to CT before and stayed with my cousin.

Sofia knows them and is chatting and hugging and laughing making me feel even more out of place. No one introduced us as with the others, perhaps its because I was busy with the kids, I don’t know.

Im busy taking my phone out , cause I heard it beep and can imagine it’s a long sms from one of my CT friends, when a guy comes up to me, very good looking, tallish, well built with nicely styled hair and eyes that remind me of Seif Ali.

“Hi and you are..?” he asks me in that dashing Hugh Grant British accent.

Stunned and shy as always, I smile and reply, “ Zuleigha”

“Julie” my cousin rushes in, “Sameer don’t flirt with my baby cousin” she adds.

Two things I hate, firstly I’m 24 not a baby anymore, and secondly my name is Zuleigha. All my old friends know me as Julie, but I prefer to be called Zuleigha here in the UK. I’m not sure why, its just a preference I guess, cause there were millions of Julies in the world perhaps.

“ Whos a baby, Dika?” I ask her.

Sameer is very charming, too charming if you ask me, he ends up sitting next to me, and right opposite m are the other two guys whom I’m still to meet. When I finally do look up to see them and be introduced properly I am stunned to see him. What was he doing here?

The wedding and a speech

2006-03-26T21:38:00.000+02:00

Sunday at 5.30pm

I couldn’t believe my cousin was getting married. He was the little boy who used to scare me with spook stories when we slept over at my grans place, but there he was with this smile, so huge if it could it would have engulfed the room.

His bride looked beautiful; she glowed, like brides are supposed to. I smiled to myself and stopped the tears from falling but when the couple walks in to the music of Veer Zara, it is hard for one not to get sad with nostalgia knowing that the person is starting a new life.

Sunday at 11.30am

My uncle Adil and Hanifa dropped us at the hall. We folded serviettes and placed them in long champagne glasses. We tied organza bows around white chair covers. Aunty Shami skillfully arranged flowers and scanned the room, her eye for feng shu or just decorating was excellent (I got jack talent in that department), the way it looked at 11am and the way it looked at 3pm was amazing. Rest assured it looked gorgeous, and I felt proud, after months of talks, here we were at the wedding. My stomach grumbled, in an hours time I needed to be back, I needed to bath and do make up and hair all in an hour. Where was my mum with that car?

Saturday eve around 8pm

We pick up Reyaaz, and he seems eager to join. I am glad he is, taking a guest along who is not sociable would only make it harder for me to mingle. But I needn’t worry, when we arrive, he befriends them all, and my uncles start to talk to him. My mum introduces him to all and chats with him. I’m running a bit around between cousins and aunties, we having a braai. Tomorrow is the wedding.

The table is decked, full capacity, with meats, sosaties, every salad mentionable.

We drink coke and eat cake for dessert. Everyone is there, and all these little kids running around. I like little kids, they have an interesting perspective to life, so new, fresh untainted.

There is always a fascination with my beauty spot (moesie). I have three little boy nephews (well they my cousin kids) all so cute and tiny, asking questions requiring you to think of a proper answer.

The boyz, my three little cousins I grew up with are now big boys, 17,14 and 11. They all sitting on Mixit! All of a sudden they grown up and I realize I’m nearly 25.

I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, time waits for no one they say, in ten years time I will have wrinkles.

Sunday at 10.30am

My aunt saves me. She brings me a beautiful wrap dress to wear the one I got made just doesn’t seem appropriate anymore. She brings me some makeup as well, my sister and my 5 year old cousin (Sara) mess around with it.

Sara approaches her dad (who can’t refuse) and she puts some blusher on his cheeks. It does not do him justice

Sunday at 5.45

Reyaaz my Mauritian friend is sitting next to my brother and they are talking of the stock market. My mother is fanning herself with the fan, Reyaaz’s sister, Farha had bought my mum. My gran is sitting silently and people come to greet her

But now there are speeches being said so everyone is silent. Junaid, Shaheens best friend is saying a few words. I think of who will say a few words at my wedding. I’m hoping its Farha or Toughedah. I would say Sumaya but I know its not her cup of tea. She will be the loyal one at my side, fixing my hair, telling me to smile, telling me to make a shy face, brides have so many faces. Noticed how they pull the “I’m so shy and innocent one” I think you have to practice for it, I know I would.

I think of her wedding and it feels like yesterday but it’s nearly two years ago. Marriage scares me, yet I’m so surrounded by it.

It’s my turn and I get a few jitters.

My uncle ,Sitchie Mamoe, calms me, and I start bit rushed at first. But once the formalities are over I just start talking.

I offer him some advice (“the wife is always right”), and I relate to a humorous story when he was 7 and I was 5. I then go corny and soppy, I recite a poem by Khalil Gibran and I officially invite the bride to our family. I totally forget to say Asalamualaykum!!!

Sunday 9.45pm

We drop Reyaaz at home, well at his hotel and I say my goodbyes including the traditional kiss on two cheeks. It was a nice weekend with him. I miss my friend Farha, whom I last saw three months ago in Mauritius.

But such is life when there are vast distances between u. Sms’s, phone calls and e mails substitute chats and sleepovers.

We had visited the bride and grooms new house which looks beautiful, new, fresh and clean. I wish that upon their marriage, I mean after all that is what its about, it’s a new start to a new life, you start from a clean slate, a fresh beginning to a beautiful life with the one you love.

Maybe I sound like a Daniel Steel novel or an Indian movie but hey, weddings are supposed to sound like fairytales.

the traveller

2006-03-13T23:40:00.000+02:00

sometimes im not sure anymore
at first all i wanted to do was explore
so i gave more than i intended and i got lost
in a snowstorm, fingers cold, iced with frost
i found a river warm and abundent
in a dessert of sand no more redundant

oasis seduce travelers passing by
rivers arent rivers they are tears of people who cried
who got lost in seduction, cheated and robbed

indifference is what i feel for him
a warm coffee in a snowstorm he did bring
U see traverlers only see what passerbys give
its a way certain people chose to live

but im not a traveler i need roots, in the ground
i need apples that arent, huge, pink and not round
i need people ho love me since i was two
i need SA's oceans, skies all blue

i need to say goodbye to my addiction
its causing way too much friction
im pathetic again, it s happened just like that
i dunno how, i dunno where i smelt the rat
the rat of deception brings a diesease

a virus that spreads ur head with lies
i despise
the mess it brought
with an AK47 it cannot be sort

So goodbye to my travels i'll stay on this land
and remain cause i cant expand
horizons as yet my plane has not arrived
of departures and standbyes i am not deprived

i go to other places to run away from here
but once i come back, its till here, my fear
it cannot follow me to lands over seas
i cant get away from this sick, fermenting disease

i run and i hide and it finds me where i go
however high, between cracks, however low
so i fly cause its faster further and im gone
even though its so wrong

one conclusion can only be drawn
its forlorn
ure dead
u always were but i no its true
i no longer think im inlove with u

No Electric and a Vote

2006-03-01T13:46:00.000+02:00

Its 7 o clock in the morning. My father is already working on a car in the yard, and i can smell kidneys being fried in a pan. My parents like having loud conversations in the kitchen, it is either that or they both going deaf. It does not help that we did not have a architect design our house, had it been so they would of advised not to have my bed room next to the kitchen.

Today is not Sunday, the only day none of us works (apart for my father and his odd hours as a mechanic), its ELECTION day.

For some odd reason, my father and i have to drive out to Mannenberg school (5 minutes away from home but if u from the flats you would know where and what Mannenberg is like) and my sister and mum vote in Surrey Estate my home town. Different areas/zones are allocated different voting stations and apparently these barrier lines separating the various zones runs through our house. The logic I cannot fathom but so do the posters hanging on the electric poles!

My father thinks that the world should wake up when the sun rises. At six in the morning you will awke to the sounds of a Bollywood hit or memory (not by Mehboob Bawa on KFM tho) on his magic radio which can pick up frequencies from here till Timbuktu!! On one occasions I was having an in depth conversation with a friend on the phone when I heard my voice echoing in the room, my father had managed to pick up our conversation on this radio. I don’t know how and I don’t wish to know, all I do know is , it must never happen again. But today is different, today there is an added bounce in his step, its election day.

So he drags me out of the bed just past seven, before I managed to grab a cup of java or any other stimulant to wake me up from a late night out with some colleagues, with my hair resembling Marge Simpson on a good day, off I go to vote.

I feel a bit proud as I get to the station, as my father predicted we are the only cars parked but then again, people here mostly travel with the infamous taxi.
There are people who are in wheel chairs, old people, aunties and uncles all coming to make a cross or a tick next to a person who has promised them a better South Africa.
I am proud in their faith, i am proud that they realize that they can make a difference and that their vote does count.

there are people out there, who complain about the state of the country and comment on Tokyo Sexwale and why he is so rich. Jealousy makes u ugly, i want to say. I am not naive i no that there is a lot of corruption, i know what the state of the country is. But people seem to forget, people forget we lived in a country of oppression where I would not of had the opportunity to study at UCT, or go to Mugg and Bean and have a much needed cup of coffee.

So now i am walking around with a black mark on my thumb nail, returning home very quickly to have a quick breakfast before the electricity cuts again.

The night before i am sitting at Spur canal walk with these above mentioned friends, and there the electricity cuts. I cant believe it!!
The waitresses hurry around lighting candles, some people rush off without paying and the entire eating arena is making a raucous noise, Pandemonium.

Twenty minutes of huddled in the darkness we contemplate on what is really happening at ESKOM and we agree that, "EKS DOM" is a new more appropriate name change. Sabatoge before elections, spare parts we Eskom cannot afford, the only person who can fix the reactor terminal is on holiday in France and his cll phone is off cause he cant afford cell phone roaming are all plausible possibilities however, the real reason is discovered or uncovered)Homer Simpson was employed at ESKOM! It might have been funny at that time, but the inconvenience is phenomenal, especially in the evening when I chose to check my mail and surf the net.
No TV, no warm coffee, one is resorted to either talking with your family or fall asleep at nine!

So I want to get home before the electricity cuts, and manage to make it is time to make a warm cup of Nesquick and a slice of toast and Nutella.

As I sit at the table, with my mum on the other end, cutting biscuits for a wedding on Sunday, there the electricity cuts.
My mother shouts something I dare not repeat, and I say those words she so often tells me, " i mos told you so, but noooo you dont want to listen."

Two hours pass. My aunty (my mums sister) comes to visit with her two parrots, Raja and Rani, drink tea made on a gas stove (every Indian house has to have one, the reasoning is beyond me, but at times like this, one ponders less on it, and is grateful for its existence irrespective of its origin) and resort to eating lemon creams (no baking required).

My sister hops around the house listening to her new MP3 player, my brother skids off on his bike off to play cricket with my cousins in Rylands.

My father listens to Indian music, on a radio powered by a huge orange car battery looking very out of feng shui, in my parents bedroom.

My online withdrawl symptoms starts to kick up and I retire to a sun lit lounge with the Da Vinci Code that I have been reading since 2005.

The streets are quieter for some reason, and as the night creeps in there is an eeriness outside, like in a spook movie.
At 9.30pm, I hear my pc switch on and smile to myself inside and out.

My sister is happy (relived and orgasmically ecstatic), just in time for Desperate Housewives, my brother is on his PC playing his computer games.
My father turns the battery off, plugs the plug into the socket and listens to his Indian music, and my mother, well my mother can finally bake the Blooody (oops) biscuits!!!

Jus another poem

2006-02-24T20:03:00.000+02:00

He's okay and thats enough
I dont have time to worry of other stuff
We over, we have been for a long time now
The play is over, the actors have taken their final bow

At least he's still alive, at least he's fine
I just need to think of him less of the time
I dunno why now memories tumble in so fast
and I keep reminding myself taht romance would never last

At least he still breathes, at least he still smiles
Even if between us there is thousands of miles
It makes me reminise of times past by
Of soft kisses, of shy glances, oh time did fly

At least he still talks, and least he still laughs
At first it was impossible, really hard, really tough
To believe I would ever live without him by my side
I couldnt understand where else i could find someone to confide

He never speaks to me, I haven't seen him in months now
I would like to speak to him, i just dunno how
I wouldnt know what to say, and if i did it would sound wrong
I think of him playing our favourite song

I think of many things that make me sad
I think of just meeting you would make me glad
I know its over, I know it went bad
I know I messed up, I know i was mad
I know I'm irrational, undecisive too
I know sometimes you never knew what to do
I know all this, I created the situation as well
But on a past, you have forgotten I canot dwell

So I move on, and remember you as a memory gone by
Four months ago i stopped crying
But you okay and that makes me feel fine
Even if no longer you are mine
I still want for you only the best
I still love you, always will, only now its becoming a lot less....

Random Thoughts: October 2005

2006-02-13T15:01:00.000+02:00

I am not sure how the situation became what it has become.

Our song plays and I am not sure anymore on whether it still is our song.

All of a sudden I am unsure on whether what was, ever was true. I do not know what is anymore.

Perhaps I would undo and redo a lot in these last three months.

But it doesn’t matter anymore, you wont reply to anything, so I see no point in speaking with very little hope of being spoken to.

And if I were to say a line I am not sure on what that line would be or the one thereafter.

All we do is fight, there is no more fight left in me.

I do not know if you lied or if you spoke the truth or if she lied and was confused of the truth. I know neither and am therefore transported back to Limbo.

But even then I must let go and pretend that you are dead as you pretend I am dead.

Yet I don’t blame you, cause I have behaved most inappropriately I know.

But no more sorries can be said, I have exhausted and abused the word so much so that its meaning, no longer means what it used to mean.

And in the midsts of this confusion, I must let go on the thing I hold so dear and tightly.

I wish you could understand, I wish I could explain but if I cant understand it, and if I cant even logically converse it with myself, there is very little hope if not any that you will ever understand what I am going through.

That was neither an excuse nor an explanation, it just is what it is.

Oh god, help me understand love because I am drowning ithout the instruction manuel, I am commiting a slow suicide as I tortue myself with thoughts of a past which I thought would forever last.

Blood stains smells and if enough is lost, can be fatal.

I am dieing a slow death, but I cannot live with you. I neither love or hate you, it just all is what it is.

2006-02-13T14:41:00.000+02:00

Valentinesday

Its a comforting laugh, that subdues my fears
Its a gentle caress that stops falling tears

Its the way you slant your eyes when you stare at my face
And that feeling of contentmnt i get from your embrace

Its the late chats we have before we sleep
Sometimes funny, sometimes serious, sometimes very deep

Its the way i just feel knowing that you care
And my ghut and my instincts promise youlle always be there

Sometimes we fight, sometimes im wrong i know
its the promise that you will always stay and never go

You're the best friend ive been searching for, far and wide
You're the person i envisioned to always be at my side

im so happy i found you, i cant think its true
but darling, i must say, i love you!!

Arranged Marriages...and the like

2006-02-05T18:30:00.000+02:00

My paternal grandparents had an arranged marriage. She was 12 and he was 16, and they were betrothedt o each other I cannot tell you much on their love lives, as many people who come from India, their generation did not show much affection as they do today. WAtch any indian movie where you will find the guy to be so romatic he would and does die a couple of times for his 'jhaan'.

Titanic looks like a joke compared to Indian movies. Sharukh is a hero like no other hero, he seduces with his smile and quirky expressions, wherever he goes has an adoring fan base.

Yet in the end love does not win at the end.

A friend's ex girlfriend ended a two year relationship when she married someone her parents chose.

And now a boy whom I lost my heart to is marrying a girl his parents have chosen.

Now I sit and wonder is there some truth some secret power to this arranged marriage concept. I am plagued by the West and the East, movies dictating, stating no PROMISING that LOVE WILL concur all, yet in reality, loe exists for a fleeting moment and then its gone.

I always believed in love, but today I admit its nothing more than a chemical reaction as the pessimistic masses have been saying for a long time.

I have fallen inlove out of love! I have sworn to give up on it, I have dared to be different and not carry my heart on my sleeve.

I have contemplated friends with benefits, I have tried to understand what love is before so wrecklessly engaing in it, playing a game whose rules I know nothing of.

But the kama sutra shows u love making but not love. Philosophers have debated it, and yet still its unexplained, unexplored yet experienced by the masses.

There must be some kind of formula, there must be some hidden secrets, codes, passwords to this unexplainable phenomena.

But now I will yet again mend a wounded heart, with a needle that prinks and hurts, with a thread that leaves an ugly scar but a heart that continues to beat…

Papa dont preach...

2006-02-02T09:47:00.000+02:00

Im sitting here wondering whether i should even bother telling them.
I will have to eventually. I just never ever expected to be in the position i am in.

I come from a carefree happy family, actually they are close to perfect. Through all my difficult moments they had been there for me. Support and love i never was short of. My family are good people. They dont lie and steal and are respected by all in the community.

My grandparents will be so dissapointed I am happy they are not alive not now, not when im pregnant. Im 20 and pregnant. I still have two years left of my degree, i dont know what to do.

It all happened so quickly, he was so sweet, rough and uncultured, i think thats what attracted me, the dysfunctionalness, the total opposite to me. He was older than me, maybe too much older, working already.

I met him at Exclusive bookstore when we both reached for the same book. When our hands touched and eyes met in a permanet gaze. I fell inlove instantly and that it was recipricated only made me more happier.

I met him on the sly, bunking lectures, talking, whispering enjoying his company and being enjoyed.

My freinds didnt like him from the start, he was not like me they would say.
He didnt have a similar upbringing, didnt have an education.
He had a mother whom he had to look after since his father had left them a long time ago.Hhe had a younger sister to care for, all of a sudden education becomes a luxury.
He was troubled, and was betrayed so many times, i wanted to fix him up, give him love and attention he was so deprived of.

Why could any of them not understand that?

So i see my freinds less and less, i become more quieter at home, i feel guilty that im lying to them but at the same time I feel guilty having all this around me when he has nothing.

Im sitting in my room thinking of the day that has passed Tears roll down my eyes, i saw him this morning. I tell him i have taken three tests and im pregnant.
He looks shocked as expected, he screams, he shouts and he says it not his.

One night, one moment, three minutes and he now claims its not his.

He was my first everything, my first kiss, my first love, the first man i trusted who wasnt my family, the first person who really knew me, who knew my soul, my mind my innermost secrets and dreams. We couldnt get closer.

But love is very blind.

I have really good freinds at least that i chose well.

They come and tell me a ugly truth. His mother is not sick and his father did not dessert them. He's got older siblings and he's the lazy spoilt brat who messes with girls minds as a recreational activity. They met three girls who he has whood and dumped after they served their purpose.

I feel sick and run to a bathroom to vomit. They comfort and hold me as i cry. They say its okay, they say at least i found out the truth. They dont know its morning sickeness.

Little do they know, its too late.
Im sitting in my room still hoping for my phone to ring, for him to say its all a mistake, that he loves me.

Three hours i stare at this Samsung phone that i eagerly spent most of my nights with smsin a certain someone.
My mother comes into my room and asks me what is wrong, am i okay?

I lie and say im fine. My older sister comes in with my cute three year old newphew. She is also worried of me. How do i tell her, " Im pregnant" and i hate the father.

I had my whole future mapped out for me, finish my undergrad in Law, work in a la di da firm and eventually become a top notch advocate.

I pick up a pamplet i collected from the clinic this afternoon. I pick up my Samsung and dial the number.

The guilt will kill me i am sure, but the pain and agony to break my parents hearts, the dissapointment will be too much to bare. Worst still to be constantly reminded of HIM, growing inside me, makes me nautious and suicidal.

" i dunno what to do, but i think im pregnant but i dont want this child. Do you do abortions?"

Different Day, same Shit

2006-01-31T21:41:00.000+02:00

i gran taxis primarily because they make it their misssion to get you at work on time no matter what obstacles lie in their way.

The scenario, I have overslept, i wear whatever needn't be ironed, grab a chocolate steri stumpie and run like zola bud on drugs down the street to Klipfontein road.

I anticipate that 50% of the Ct population are heading in the same direction as me. There is a Cape Town bus coming along, at a very slow pace, but its so full i know that if i enter it I'll get out looking as if i never bothered to iron my clothes which would defeat the purpose of wearing clothes that looks like its just been ironed.

Packed buses is not the reason i prefer taking a taxi, the real reason is the music. Now you might ask me how do i select a taxi, easy depends which taxi vibrates and 'skuds' more.

Now taxi drivers only play two types of music, either old school, Good Hope Stuff but including the latest taxi numbers like, "Pussy Cat Dolls, Shaggy and Enemim, and Destinys child" or SLOW JAMS which include any DIva who isnt white, like Mariyah, Tony Braxton, Aretha Franklin and oh yes, Vanessa Williams. Actually i lie, there is one white diva which taxi drivers do listen to, Celine Dion, that Titanic song was played one too many times, i wished that Kate Winslet died with Leo.
But have you ever gotten into a taxi to hear Barbara Streisand or Allanis Morrisette play.
Unlikely, impossible, aint happening.

But i like taxi numbers, the music is always too loud and the 'gaartjie' goois chorus to the slow jams and i only laugh.

Excuse me, did i say gaartjie i meant 'sliding door operator'

So im standing at the bus stop, and shake my head to the sardine packed bus. A taxi passes by, hooting like a lunatic, and i hear Beyonce only 'klopping' and the gaartjie smiles at me with his one gold tooth and ferari cap.
"Cape Town, kanala" i say and he organises me a seat, the single one on the left handside. If u drive in a taxi you know what im talking about, and off i go.

I close my eyes cause i can imagine how many points hes losing breaking every rule in that yellow "learners book" i studied so religiously.

The driver stops in the middle of Klipfontein to pick up an old lady that just shopped at Elite, with three big packets of groceries, i can see the fish oil in one. Im thinking, its 7.45am who shops at that hour, but she answers my question when the gaarjie inquisitively asks it. She replies, "its a specia, R3.99 for the fish oil,l seunjie' and gets off near Bridgetown. He politely helps her with the bags and adds a 'totsiens ma'.

At Athlone terminus four people get out but six more get in which means those magic seats which comprise of a piece of wood covered in material gets slotted in the empty space next to me.
Now im all squashed and no better off than in the bus, but at least here i can listen to music.

The traffi is thick but the driver is persistant and takes every conceivable free road driving through pinelands escaping the highways traffic. Cars hoot as the taxi squeezes into the tiniest of places without even putting an indicator on. I failed my licence because of that move but thats another story.

8.15 and I am in one pice in Town on time. Mt stomache grumbles, so i decide to quickly go to the Golden acre and grab a lekker doughnut frosted with chooclate icing. As i bite into the delight that weigh less and even more so my dentist would not approve of, i see that same bus full of even more people pull up into the terminus.

I slowly walk towards the Shell house building, licking my lips which are covered with icing, singing the sweet tunes of Beyonce. A different day but never the same shit in a taxi!!

My Mauritian Tale

2006-01-29T14:31:00.000+02:00

PART ONE

im sitting at the airport watching the planes enter and leave the strip. ive been wanting to do this since the first time i saw hafa off. But i always leave the airport clutching a sweet from Sweets from Heavan. This time round i got an oprah mag and a pkt of stimorol. I greeted my parents like 20 minutes ago, now im alone and its ilent and empty. But silence and empytiness never made me lonely, i love silence and i like being alone where u can can console with ur soul.

My gate opens and i get an uneasy feeling in the pitt of my stomache.

Five months ago, im in the bathroom crying. i need to stop, i need to go back to work, i got management accounts to complete, but i cant stop thinking of him and i cant understand. last week he came to visit me at home, all of a sudden hes just gone out of my life.

The bathroom in the plane is small and akward.

The music on the plane is cool but the headsets are crap. I smile at the baby infront of me, playing "peek a boo i see you"

Ive read the oprah magazine twice, i look at the clouds outside and smile to myself.

Makes me think of the time we were at chapmans peak when he kised me so softly on the lips and held me so tight like it would last forever. Its the song tahts reminding me of that time, that song and looking at the blue sky and marshmalowy clouds.

The mild vibration of the plane wakes me and i look at the watch on my arm. Its nearly landing time two hours had passed so very quickly, im excited now.

Customs is a nightmare, with my surname and oh o muslim name, im attacked like im Osama Bin Ladins daughter, my preseants are opened and luckily they dont confiscate the nandos chicken ive secretly brought along. Probably cause i smile sweetly at the customs man, youngish, cutish, im soooo on holiday!!

After ten minutes of interogation on whether i have a kilo of coke or dagga in my toiletry bag they let me go. Im off now, and as i walk into the airport i see a colgate smile in the distance, its my freind Farha.

My Uncle Adil said Mauritian boys take two weeks to wink at a girl s imagine my surprise wen Farhas brother gives me two cheek kisses on my cheeks, i need to get used to that.

It feels like 12 months have not passed. It feels like yesterday we were at Penmaric drinking Vanilla Mauritian tea and those left over labarang (Eid) buscuits.