Random Thoughts: October 2005

I am not sure how the situation became what it has become.

Our song plays and I am not sure anymore on whether it still is our song.

All of a sudden I am unsure on whether what was, ever was true. I do not know what is anymore.

Perhaps I would undo and redo a lot in these last three months.

But it doesn’t matter anymore, you wont reply to anything, so I see no point in speaking with very little hope of being spoken to.

And if I were to say a line I am not sure on what that line would be or the one thereafter.

All we do is fight, there is no more fight left in me.

I do not know if you lied or if you spoke the truth or if she lied and was confused of the truth. I know neither and am therefore transported back to Limbo.

But even then I must let go and pretend that you are dead as you pretend I am dead.

Yet I don’t blame you, cause I have behaved most inappropriately I know.

But no more sorries can be said, I have exhausted and abused the word so much so that its meaning, no longer means what it used to mean.

And in the midsts of this confusion, I must let go on the thing I hold so dear and tightly.

I wish you could understand, I wish I could explain but if I cant understand it, and if I cant even logically converse it with myself, there is very little hope if not any that you will ever understand what I am going through.

That was neither an excuse nor an explanation, it just is what it is.

Oh god, help me understand love because I am drowning ithout the instruction manuel, I am commiting a slow suicide as I tortue myself with thoughts of a past which I thought would forever last.

Blood stains smells and if enough is lost, can be fatal.

I am dieing a slow death, but I cannot live with you. I neither love or hate you, it just all is what it is.