I am moody. I did not plan to be moody this weekend, but moodiness seems to brood when people piss me off. I really did no mean to be moody this weekend. After a difficult week wrt work and other personal dilemmas I planned on just being me this weekend and enjoying the bliss of no demands and responsibility.

On a brighter note, yesterday I went to Kebaab Maal in Sea Point and I must say irrespective of the fact that for the three hours we were seated in the Indian restaurant playing very old Bollywood music no one else had entered or ordered, the butter chicken we ordered was delicious. Sumaya and I were both impressed. The Garlic Naan was crispy without being tough, soft and deliciously garlicky. The stuffed naan was also ok, although I think stuff puraatas are a lot more delicious.

The mango lassi was ok ish, I Think Bibis makes it better, its lighter and sweeter almost like a mango milkshake. But that Butter chicken pretty much won me over, and I would rather go there that to Bukhara albeit Bukhara may look prettier on the outside, Kebaab Mahals Butter chicken made me feel pretty on the inside.

I have always been a big fan of the Sound Of Music and was delighted when I managed to pick up a DVD copy with a special edition Additional DVD for a pretty bargain on one of my many trips to MUSICA with B.

I always wondered how the children of Captain Von Trap have grown up and wondered what they are doing now. Surprisingly few of them are actors today, it was very interesting to see them grown up.

I FINALLY got my Bridgette Jones both 1 and 2 on DVD as well picking it up yet at another bargain at Musica with B again.

Bridgette is absolutely ridiculous. I most certainly wont say I want to be like her, but its so much fun to se all the things she gets up to. The crazy things I think but would never have the guts to do, she would do.

And Mark Darcy, well he is what I call the ideal man. He is worth giving up your last Rolo for.

I got my pride and prejudice DVD last month also, FINALLY, the original one with my Collin Firth and am seriously contemplating getting the Jane Austin box with my Hugh Grant. I am a huge Jane Austin fan although I have not read all her books yet.

Feeling a bit better now, my aunt is coming to visit me this afternoon and am sort of excited for that.

Oh I got a delicious dress yesterday from THE SPACE in Cavendish, it’s a Coleen Eitzen. I am not per sey a fashion victim, hell not at all! I like clothes that are different, and classy. This dress I got is made of cotton a stiff material, with a swirling pouncy bottom till my knee, and has a collar with brown piping. Very 60s ish I guess, I need to get a pair of smart kick ass heels which I am going to try and get from Nine West or some other snazzy store. A smart closed pointy heel. Then just some accessories and I will be done! Eid shopping can be a killer esp when its so close to XMAS.

Got the cutest XMAs cards, gold ones with reindeers and snowmen. AAh Xmas makes me feel all festive. Going to my aunts to celebrate Xmas with gifts and a tree. I need to get some gifts still. I was thinking, those coconut ice in little shortbread cups will look rather festive hey.

Maybe I should make a few of that.

I usually find solace in baking.

Although Eid time will come soon and then it’s nothing to do with solace but mere survival with my MUM!

Last year this Eid I was with Farha. Time sure has passed ever so quickly.

How could an entire year have passed already?

I find solace in writing too. Even if it is just a rant and rave like this one.

What is Sexier than this?

SEXY?

Is it a very short skirt with an even larger hem with a belt that actually covers the length of the skirt? IS it boobs popping out of bra that hardly fits and a brain the size of a pea or is it a bowl of braised peas in a bit of butter and onion just the way you remember it when your mom cooked a big Sunday lunch?

IS it sexy when like magic you change butter and sugar into a creamy icing with a dash of coco delicatly draped like a satin sheet over a soft spongey chocolate round cake light and tastey or heavy and rich with caramel and cream?

What about a steamy hot pot of butter chicken, seductively aromatic, a rich deep orange colour, a thick spreadable texture that softly coats basmati rice in its strong and erotic flavours teasing your tastebuds and torturing your nose with desire?

So what do you think is sexy?

alive

My feet hurt cause these heels are painful and unkind inventions that make me taller and hence slimmer and ever so sexy.

For a month I have been working at THE COMPANY and I need to pinch myself to believe that tomorrow is the 1^st December.

A HAPPPPYYYY BIRTHDAY to my cousin Sadiqa who turns 21 yet again!!

It makes me realize that one hardly has time to smell the flowers. We have a frangipani tree in our garden and honest to god as much as I love those pretty flowers I do not know if they have bloomed as yet. I have not looked at them. They are my favorite flowers and no I cannot buy them at Woolies as you can with almost every other conceivable item.

They tiny are white with this yellow centre but they smell like an expensive perfume, sweet and feminine, and that something extra that just makes dreams come true.

I am alive and happy none the less.

Had a really super weekend that passed and tomorrow I go watch the New Bond movie. Oh yeah baby!

I hope tomorrow I don’t forget to smell the frangipanis…

new

I sat there daunted by the gleaming silver tables. The girls looked intimidating and unfriendly. I wore my new suit and felt stiff and awkward.

In my discomfort zone I get nauseous for a familiar face, an sms from HIM comforfts me some what.

I Know that I was going to be ok before I even got here.

Five days have passed by too quickly, and the learning curve is nearly perpendicular to the axis which I thought I would never get to.

Shiny things only shine from certain angles, and when you look at it from a different perspective its almost a different picture altogether.

My first week at my new work is going just fineJ

Movie Review DON

Sharukh khan seriously has a face for every occasion, and with mere changes of expressions can transform from being a dilly-silly village boy to DON, a mafia type guy who will even get Mr Bond in a Tizz!

Not that I would have voluntarily have gone to watch the movie especially at its location, Canal Walk the craziest place to be the weekend before Eid.

So under duress I am dragged there. The cinema seating is nice and spacious and the cinema bigger than usual.

The opening scene I cannot even remember but I am betting it was with Sharukh doing something that yet again my good friend Bond would have done.

Anyhow I remember when Kareeena makes her brief appearance, dancing provocatively in a club. Now what Indian movies short fall on is realistic story lines, but that is easily compensated by the glitz and glamour.

So Mizz Kapoor is literally throwing herself at Don (Sharukh) when she has to make a phone call to her aunty who she lives with who is worried of her?? I mean how stupid that is, anyhow she really is calling a police man who would like to catch Don. You see Don killed Kareena’s fiancé so she is acting in revenge, for her poor lover.

Rest assured Don beheads her in a rather clever move, making the incompetent police yet again look like idiots. Why don’t they get secret agents like Bond I keep asking myself?

Enter Priyanka Chopra doing a bit of Kung Fu in some kind of gym room showing off a very toned and worked out body with her hair like she walked out of a salon and make up as if she was going to be a clown for my six year old cousins birthday party.

As can be predicted, Chopra is Kareena’s fiancés sister and she seeks revenge on Don for her brother and his fiancés death.

Eventually Donn screws up in a race and the police officer mentioned gets hold of him. He decides to get another guy who looks exactly like Donn to replace the real Donn and that is where the movie gets funnier and interesting.

The first half is boring, over the top and on more than one occasion I closed my eyes (sleep deprivation creeps in however)

The second half gets you guessing and I sat upright and never closed my eyes once, well to blink of course!

The end, is different and unexpected.

Of course there are super phony lines especially at the end when the girl confesses to Don on his almost deathbed the, “I love you” line. .

But nearly four hours after walking into the cinema, I leave, Canal walk busier than ever , get home at past five and count the minutes till bhuka timeJ

6/10 and that is me being kind

F A I T H F U L

In front of God these vows are said

To be forever yours till either of us is dead

I am a person on my own

But next to you I sit on my thrown

We are not one, but from one bread we eat

No races we run no one to beat

We help each other with what needs to be done

And never forgetting we are not one

Cause death will come and then we must be strong

But for now and seven lives after to each other we belong

We drink from one cup and the water is blessed

With each others hearts and heads we will never mess

We wont hurt each other, but fights will come

Silly moments, where we both will be dumb

We both know this but its part of this pact

Marriage is hard, it’s a known, unbeatable fact

With joys and sorrows and all imbetween

And tradition, family and Islam as our deen

I hereby take you as my man

And by your side I promise to stand

And be your wife till death do us part

I hereby give you my whole heart

Respect it well and treat it right

With kindness and delicacy with no spite

Understand and challenge it, it comes with a brain

And when it weeps help to take away the pain

And when it needs a shoulder to cry

Comfort it dearly and don’t ask why

And if you can promise to do all of this

I can promise you darling eternal bliss

U N F A I T H F U L

I give him a long stare, I breath deeply as he takes my hand in his and whispers my name in my hair. He holds me close and strokes my hand with soft kisses on my forehead.

I look at him and he kisses me and whispers, “I love you”

“I love you too” I respond and my eyes goes watery as I think of the night before.

He ushers me into his car and we leave his flat and head off to the movies, I am quiet all along the drive, contrasting very much from my constant verbal diarrhea. He parks the car in the basement and we head off to the movies as we have done a thousand times before. He buys a popcorn and shakes on some cheese and chives flavoring and balances a giant Coke in his free hand.

We get comfy in uncomfortable cinema seats, he holds my hand and asks if I am ok, I Lie and say I am fine.

But I am not really, I am feeling guilty and trapped.

This perfection we have, ought to be enough, but it just doesn’t suffice and somewhere between being inlove and today I fell out of love with him.

It happened a while ago but the exact date I cannot decipher, the emptiness replaced the love that resided in my heart. I know he still loves me. I see it in his eyes, and I wonder if he can see in my eyes that I no longer love him. I suspect he does, cause he holds my hand with a tight grasp, anticipating I m going to leave him.

As the movie progresses he occasionally kisses my forehead and holds me tight.

I don’t touch the popcorn.

Midway through the movie I feel nauseous and run to the bathroom.

I vomit.

I don’t have much in my stomach but for three days in a row I have been waking up and vomiting.

He runs after me and into the cubicle I am crawling in. He pats my back and hands me a piece of hard paper, the kind you wipe your hands with not your mouth with.

He isn’t that stupid, he knows and because we never ever did it he knows it’s not his.

And even through all that he holds my smelly hand and we walk to his car.

We sit silently all the way till he gets to my place.

He leans forward and kisses my forehead.

I hug him tight.

The emptiness dimmers and I remember why I love him so.

I get out of the car relived, feeling somewhat safer and a bright light blinds me.

I wake u in a hospital bed, and a doctor standing next to me with my mother.

I barely make out what they are saying but I decipher the doctor with a heavy Durban accent saying, “She lost the baby” and I remember her astonished look, perplexed and puzzled.

They realize I am conscious and the doctor urges me to take it easy but I need to explain.

“He’s dead now.” She tells me.

I didn’t want the baby anyhow, it would have complicated life and mine was complicated enough. But having him with me I realized that I was stupid to have doubted this love he has for us, more so stupid for not realizing what a great thing it was that we had, that he and I were meant to be. That this was my Leo and I was his Kate, and then it hit me, it was way too early to know whether the baby was a girl or boy and the he my mother was speaking of wasn’t the he I had assumed it to be.

The end

Favourites

This piece has aptly been tittled favourites as it will depict some of my favourite movies which have impacted on my life.

Like an oldie which was not the hugest hit ever, but sparked a bit of my passion to the business world and inspired me to cut off my long hair, Sabrina, a chaffeurs daughter who falls inlove with the rich and handsome Harrison Ford.
My favourite character in the movie is her father, who became a chaffeur so he could have a lot of time to read. Well the bit where he took note of which shares Mr Ford invested in making him a millionare who drives cars was kinda cute too.

But the transformation of Julia Ormand with her long wavy hair, unconfidant and shy, transformed intot the beautiful elegant lady, but still unchanged, soft gentle and femine, just touched me. Also I think Julia Ormond has that innocent untouched beauty untainted by that vileness of Hollywood, with Sex and Money and plasticness. She is just beautiful and I think very few actresses can compare with it.

Then there is Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth, oh that gorgeus Colin Firth, made me date Stiff Pricks with gherkins stuck up their arses hoping that they too would change like dear Mr Darcy did. When he gets out of the pool at Pemberely and Elizabeth see's him, just that brief look, stare between Liz and Darcy aaaaah I endure the three hours just to see that glance, well my sis and I both! And that bit where Lady Catherine De Burgh washes Lizs face with all that high society BULL SHIT and Liz merely tells her to shove it and get a life (well much more eloquently put).

And I had to include an indian movie, why did i like Veer Zaara, well cause Zaara lives most of her life turning into an old ugly woman and Veer lives for love. I liked that not all love stories ended with thenm living ahppily ever after with kids and the perfect indian ending. I like that Veer is Indian and Zaara is muslim and they cross even the religion boundry which we barely even tread on.

And yes these are all love stories cause in the end what movie isnt a love story?

Strong women who marry men their mothers dont approve of, society shuns, not marrying for money no mater how desperate they may have been. I am sick and tired of the easy option, i am sick and tired of having all these constraints which limit us to love anyone, having love dictated to us.
And YES we risk getting our hearts broken, yes we will fall and break and CRY but let us do that, its called LIVING and FEELING, things I Think God wanted and wants us to endure to understand.

There is a saying, I read in a book tittled "When you here hofbeats think of a Zebra" and it says knowing yourself will help you know God and when in a relationship, you end up learning so much about yourself.

Sometimes you meet a few fruitcakes along the way but thats only cause when the real one comes along, you will appreciate what you have.
I was chatting to my friend Liz and she was saying, Love without prejudice, without restraint but when past hurts have scarred its a bit hard, and that is unfair to your current love.
So love stories and movies exist not to show everything is perfect, but bumps along the road will come in all fairytales, but in the end, YOU chose to be happy.

I do not think we all end up with our soulmates and great loves, if you do, I think you are very lucky, but just meeting him/her, I think that is wonderful, better than wonderful, i think its magic. I think love is magic, so be bedazzled by it, listen to the sweet tunes which seep through shy glances, touch without hesitation, and love with your whole heart before it all disspaears for death will surely come, it might come earlier than expected.

Death is the only thing we all are certain of, everything else is either a gamble, a risk, fate and if you lucky a magic trick disillusioning you into seeing only what you yearn to see, love comes and goes, hurts and stings, strains and pains.
In the end its about a scale and weighing the benefits with the costs.
I think i Know which way my scale is leaning towards...

goodbyes to come and approaching exams

I am leaving Clicks and I do not think Liz is very happy about it. I got the call yesterday from the Company and I am over the moon although a tad bit intimidated by the Stilletto heels and fitted jackets soon to come.

I am solemnly swearing on my Blog from hence forth I will be a devout reader of the business parts of the newspapers. Oh why are new jobs so daunting?

The exciting bit is restarting a new life sort of, one can reinvent who you are, since no one really knows me, although Ryan from Hons also is there, I got him at the Interview, Eish UCT people everywhere Oh Dear oh Dear!!

But back to leaving work, work where I got used to Liz’s chats about everything, the laughter, fun , FUN lotsa fun shall be missed. No more morning koeksusters and tea time at 10, I am going to be a big girl now!

Speaking of which my cousin Waseem is starting Matric Exams today so a very big GOOOD LUCK and all the best and Break a Leg!!!

Ramadaan, dates, cakes and Boeka Boeber Birthday Jols!!

So on Sunday was my Uncles 50the surprise birthday party and it was super kwaai, we had a braai and everyone was there even my Boyfriend (B) shock upon all shocks.

I looked super snazzy with hair hair blow dried and my Kiff haircut, white linen jacket and new white ballet pumps I got at a bargain, now to get a red pair with a matching bag. Oh and stole my sisters new white bag aunty fowzie got her for her bday. If i died my hair blonde i would have looked like Paris hilton (well that and walking on stilts, getting 10 shades lighter and losing 150kgs of weight yaw)

I left B to play with Brymie since they both dig chess more than dhaljies, whilst i assisted with stuff in the kitchen. Not that much was needed as Hafi and Sara are rather efficient.

We had Moracan chicken and Braai complete with bibis Kitchen Samoosa's, Moms soup, benjans Boeber, Woolies choc milkshake, salads, Mums Pie (legendary), fruits and lotsa Appletiser.

The youngers click, (my cousins and my auntie Zaida since she is part of the younger click) was suposed to sit outside, breathing in deep breaths of Spring quickly had to be transported into the longue when an unexpected outpour of rain magically appeared out of a nearly blue sky.

So we boeka inside and its only fun from the start where my cousin Sadiqa is only hilerious with my little cousin Sara being the perfect hostess.

I made a chocolate cake, we sang and let my uncle blow his 50 candle out awaiting a Speech but he got lost for words so we ended up having masala tea cake and lots of conversation.

All in all a very successfull boeber jol!! HAPPY 50TH UNCLE!!

RABIA's crown birthday was on Saturday night, well a belated birthday party and i must say we were equally flabogasted at her cullinery talent (move over nigella).

On the menu was the CULT favourite LASAGNE, a devine potatoe bake and chicken with such a wicked combination of flavors including ORANGES. Yes, biting into a boutjie I was attempting to discover the flavor on my palette and low and behold it was orange, tastey refreshing and very unusual, a bit like Rabia HAHA. the Pecan nut Pie was definately better than the ones you get in a box from Woolies and even had chocolate in it.

I am inlove, that Pecan nut Pie and me
were meant to be!!

Anyhows Happy CROWN BIRTHDAY RABIA!!

Hanging Out

It has been a long time since I last posted anything, and around the next bend FAST approaches, which I gather will leave me with more time to veg out infront of my belovered pc screen.

Work has been keeping me busy, amongst other things which include being a movie reviewer. Well not really a reviewer more like a reviewers partner whilst watching movies not available to the public, and you will therefore find that a regular piece on movies I have watched and my review on it.

I am a simple girl, with simple tastes and prefer the pastels to the glitter and glamour.

I discovered or rediscovered the coziest little place ever. THE TRAIN in sea Point which albeit has a view of the main road in Sea Point, nothing cosy bout, that , one is quickly removed from the hustle and bustle at the waterfront with its tourists and models or from the much dreaded Canal walk (KANALLA) where you are likely to bump into everyone you seriously have no desire to see.

On Thursday eve, instead of watching the usual movie I ended up going to Canal walk to meet a friend of a friend, and meet up for a cup of coffee (or Chocolate milkshake). So off we hit in the dense traffic of Cape Town Woodstock (more like I sit and chat away as a passenger and not very reliable co pilot) and wonder, why the busiest Mall in CT is situated in the middle of Nowhere literally? There are so many entrances I always get lost, so many shops ALL selling those long t shirts and we ALWAYS seem to get be in maze when trying to locate the car. I was disappointed in the Milkshake, pleasantly surprised at the good company and after three hours we head off home, from the middle of no where.

The other night after work my friend Razeena decides for us to watch a movie after her exams so Rabia picks me up in her TT, and off we gallivant to watch that new chick flick movie with Lindsey Lohan but yet again underestimate the turmoil in traffic when we hit town so opt to get French fries at Steers and enjoy the warm Spring nights we have so missed these last six months. The view was pretty over the Bay, there was some kind of Magicians show on, making the atmosphere all happy and jovial and after debating on Marcels or not we head off to watch Hoodwinked (I would give it a 7 and its mainly cause I kinda smaaked the wolf)

Anyhows, on a beautiful Spring day when the sun shone brightly off I ventured to the beautiful Kirstenbosch. I dunno how housewives get to be so efficient and manage time so well, I completely lose track of time and am fondly rescued by the so convenient and creative woolies and get a few deli products which I could have claimed as by products of my excellent culinary talents had I not been caught walking down the road with my pick n pay green bag after catching a taxi from Vanguard MALL ( no comment).

Actually let me comment, the Mall is not that bad to shop in, if u need something in a rush its literally on the doorstep (when u have a car yeah).

But where was I, so I think everyone had the idea of a picnic and I walk with my neat picnic sack on my back with plates, cutlery and pretty glasses with a check table cloth very frustrated on not finding a nice shady spot.

Then there is those speckled chickens (why cant I remember what they are called just now) only indigenous to South Africa acting all territorial over that the last shady tree and I nearly want to tell it I’m eating his distant cousin on a roll from Woolies with some green chutney (just to let him know I am dangerous).

And after like two hours, the wind picks up and its icey cold, luckily I anticipate this (who am I kidding I don’t!! but my company does and I end up wearing jacket whilst he freezes his ass off) and it’s a cold wintery Cape town eve yet again.

But thankfull for a few hours of pretending its summer, feet breathing in flip flops and short sleeve t shirts.

Now the beach and hikes, picnics and nature anytime, but until summer makes its more permanent residence in my beautiful city, Canal walk, Waterfront, Cavendish and yes even New comer Vanguard Mall with its All Halaal menu will have to be my hang out joints!!!

I was tagged by Toughedah!!!

Four movies I've watched over and over again:

1. Sabrina (with julia ormand)
2. Brigette Jones Diary (damn colin firtha nd Hugh grant yum)
3. Legends of the Fall (MY BRAD screw u Angelina )
4. Sound of music, yes i love that movie and i know all the songs out of my head

Four places I have lived:

1. Rylands
2. Surrey Estate

Four things I could NOT live without:

1. the beach, sun and suntan lotion, pool oh and goggles
2. Books
3. Money
4. Good hair products inc my blow dyer and my MOCK GHD haha

Four TV shows I love to watch:

OPRAH
Brace face the cartoon
Prison Break was wicked
Im into comedies so seinfeld, frasier, all those golden oldies

Four places I have been on vacation:

1. Garden route backpacking so cool
2. Durban so hot

3. Arnistan/saldanah/hermanus around CT
4. Mauritius aaah

Four of my favourite foods:
1. Prawn Chaat from bibis Kitchen like YORRRR and . Butter Chicken from Bhukharas

2. Dessert: Creme caramel made straight from the packet oh yeah baby

3. Dessert: Chocolate milkshake from that shop net to Melissas in Newlands, oh whats it called again

4. Roast chicken with sweet rice, sweet poatoes the way my mum makes it
Four places I would rather be right now:

1. The beach
2. the sea
3. a place where its 36 degrees and i can swim
4. in brad pitts arms???

4 People to Tag:

1. Tina
2. Shariman
3. Ra'eesa (cause I can)
4. Farha
4. Fazrey
4. Nuri
4. Sumaya
4. Rabia

The Beggar

I saw this lady once or twice she came knocking at my door

She asked for just a piece of bread, she asked for nothing more

It surprised from the others, who would almost demand for me to give

And I wondered if just a piece of bread would be enough for her to live

She was skinny and old, yet so independent

I thought of leftover crusts I threw in a bin, I wanted to repent

She had on a blue dress, clean and neat

But brown, broken and too small sandals were on her feet

Her teeth were almost rotten, her hands were dry and old

She had no jersey or jacket to protect her from the cold

Her eyes were warm and honest, I felt that in my gut

I wondered how she ended up as a beggar, what an unfortunate rut

I told her to wait a few moments then closed the door in her face

And kept on wondering what she had at her home, did she have her own little place?

I collected some leftovers and microved it warm

I packed a bag of fruit, apples and a pear

But when I opened the door but she was not there

I realised then she was seated on the floor

With her naked legs and battered feet, she could have asked for more

She could have asked for a home like mine

With food on a table at night

She didn’t deserve the abusive man, oh God that isn’t right

I looked at the floor and looked at my feet, new Boots I bought in June

And in my cupboards filled to the brim, new, clothes? Oh no there is no room

I thought of a fight I had with my mum, about something that I wanted

I think of the fight, the ugly words and the unnecessary way I ranted

I think of my dad who has always been there, to protect me from the bad

And for all that I had, I realised, I ought to be really glad

Cause sometimes my friends you think you have nothing and life always is a bore

But then I remember that women and recalled that she asked for a piece of bread

Appreciation

The confusion runs wild in my head

And I look across the busy room

I reminisce on what she’s said

And I see the infinite gloom

I cannot give up on what we have cause if it goes that way

It is unfair, unjust, untrue to let our love decay

I know perfection is not what we have

Our problems are indeed great

But half perplexed I wonder why, if meeting you was not fate

You would have to sacrifice a lot, I know,

I wish it was more clear cut

But there is something real and magical

I can feel it in my gut

We will fight I am sure, I will slam the phone in you ear

But even through all that shit, the greatest thing I fear

IS for all of it to end, because we never gave us a chance

Which will be the untimely death of our little romance?

This is more that just lust

Or something childish like before

Where I dominantly fought being inlove,

The truth I would ignore

I am older now and smarter too

But a little girl I still am

But instead of all this childish gloom,

I am glad you are my man

Oh I ponder and wonder

Sometimes I ponder if things would have been different.

Like what if I studied to be a writer instead. Would any of my stuff actually have been published? I wonder if I ever will be a top notch stock broker, or a sort after analyst, an Oscar winning actress or script writer, a Grammy winning song writer, a suicidal artist, or a chef that makes Jaimie Oliver stutter and Nigella actually look unsexy but I settle for the unpublished poet.

I go on and further explore my past relationships and wonder, would things have been different if I went out with the guys who asked me out, who I hesitantly refused cause I was too shy or scared?

Would I be a married lady, would we have holidayed in Maurituis at Berjaya?

What if I married that boy who dumped me after a few weeks but politely proposed first, would I be divorced, pregnant and yet again suicidal?

What if I never studied and got a job being the assistant to Nolene on SABC 3 and after 6 years have my own talk show raising interesting topics like, “Why Barbie Dolls have waists equivalent to the size of their thighs?”

What if I was rich would I be driving a new Mercedes with expensive obnoxious mags, and loud system sporting my Bangra collection I would have acquired by then fulfilling every Indian mothers dream of her eldest daughter being an accomplished, lawyer, doctor, engineer, accountant or economist?

But things are very different, I take a taxi to Clicks head office and mess a around with numbers learning what a big company does, enabling me to have first hand knowledge of what the operational side is like in running a huge retail store which further aids my experience and development as a top retail analyst, making the likes of Merill Lynch, Allan Gray and all those other snooty Mercedes driving company workers, very impressed with my work, after which I become a HOTEL analyst, holidaying at the likes of Berjaya in Maurituis, with an amazing guy, who doesn’t give a damn that my waist is not the size of an anorexic Paris Hilton (Heiress to a Hotel Empire I must add for the intellectually challenged), inspiring me as a muse to write beautiful published poems, and songs they will use in Isidingo for the greatest romantic couple to grace our screens since Brooke and Ridge in Bold and the Beautiful, namely Rajesh and Lee.

I will then have lots of babies, ok two and cook butter chicken on Sundays with all the

side dishes and finish it off with a cheesecake for dessert from a Nigella Lawson cookbook.

Another Unpublished poem

The depths of this despair

My tormented soul cannot bare

So I try with agony and shut it out

At this uninterrupted, tainted time of doubt

My heart feels heavy, and my body cold

A hundred times before I was told

He’d break my heart, I would burn and fall

I so want to sms him and long to call

I feel so edgy and sad inside

It feels like my insides have died

I want to scream, I want to shout

I can’t remember what the argument was about

I really love you, I truly do

I have confessed this secret to a chosen few

I want to squeeze and hold you tight

I want it to be last Saturday night

When all was well, you loved me so

Where ever I went, you would follow and go

I’m feeling sad, confused, alone

And want to be neither at work nor home

I miss you so much it feels unreal

This pain and agony I refuse to feel

Nothing can be done, I must wait and see

What my future and fate will be

But as I wait with baited breath

I endure a slow, lingering, unsaintly death

DVD - SNL

He looked at me with those eyes, hungry wasn't the word to describe it, I wasn't edible, I was that meal he was going to devour after being lost in a desert for days and I was the main course.

I teased him a bit and smiled so shyly, attempting to talk of everything else. I picked up a DVD in the Look and Listen store.

"Hmn, this looks good, a bit melodramtic, but I like that" I say matter of factly, looking at him out of the corner of my eye, half my view is hidden by my fringe.

He jut stares at me, not listening, not commenting not participating in my conversation at all.

"Don't you think so?" I ask politely, persisting, passing the DVD on to him.

"I can't quite think right now." he says, almost like subtly commanding me to shut up.

I like seduction games, where you kind of play with your prey first and then eat them alive.

Thats seduction, when you don't even know you're in danger. When you so unsure on what is, when reality's rigid structure falls apart, when you're too late to evacuate a building thats going to explode. My passion builds, I want him, I want the same things that he wants, if not more, so much more, and my insides starts to burn with a forbidden desire, that temptation of forbidden fruit, some things are just worth being banished forever for.

He moves closer to me and very gently grabs my arm. Its almost like in slow motion.

"This way Zuleigha, that lady can't pass through"

"Oh" I stammer, I thought he was going to embrace me with a kiss and was anticipating for him to do just that.

His mask falls back on, those brown eyes, mystery eyes, as cliche as it may sound are covered once more, behind that mask hides my man.

"Titanic?" he asks, looking at me perplexly, absurdly, holding the DVD that I had passed on to him.

"You got to be joking." he laughs at me and places the DVd back on the shelf.

yeah, i must be fucken joking!

A poem

There is this funny face you make
It echoes in your laugh, nothing fake

When you say my name it sounds so real
And when our hands nearly touch, in my heart I can feel

You really do care, this is something more than a dance
I'm mesmerised by what is happening, half in a trance

We go for coffee at a place by the sea
The ocean beating against the sand, no other place I want to be

Past hurts used to haunt and stop me from reaching up high above
Made me a disbeliever in the concept of love

But with your patience and humour I think I see some hope
I no longer long for the my ciggies and my cheap dope
My pessimism is gone, my thoughts no longer infested with the need to proceed on a path to prove my worth
I no longer wonder, confused, upset for my purpose on earth

Its not all perfect, there are so many things still that needs to be fixed and improved
But I've learnt to believe agian, to feel like its worth risking, my heart, my head, my ideals

So thank you for the miracle you did, I must confess
Having you in my life makes me feel less in a mess

3 o clock?

Last night I woke up and it was exactly at Three o clock when I woke. Which freaks me out. A friend told me, 3 o clock is the bewitching hour and Im the biggest scardy cat. The night before i also woke up at that hour. I was freaked again.

I sleep with my pc on so i can have a bit of light (eskom better not hear that) but i promise u I totally imagine stuff. Like i have this poster witha bridge and a lake on it and then i imagine that girl fro The ring gets out o the water and walks onto the bridge into my room. AGhhhhh and then i stare at the picture all the time.

Its a very funky black and white pic but yaw. Then I go online and read bloggs or chat. Im weird like that.

When i first got my pc with internet I would be online half the night, i think im better now.

But do u think 3 o clock is a bewitching hour?

Love an opinion piece

“Falling inlove (or lust) and fear feel a lot alike. They both give you that anxious butterfly feeling in your stomach, a sense of excitement, and a general unease physically and mentally. Its easy to confuse love with fear.”

Obtained from a book called “Its called a Breakup cause its broke”, by Greg Behrendt and Amira Routola- Behrendt, that people who brought, “He’s Not that into you”

Perhaps I’m being way too cynical here (or too accepting) but we do not always marry whom we were most in love with. Sometimes passion is a dangerous substance to consume in reality. I believe that for every person, there is ur soul mate, but very few of us actually meet them. And if you do, ure vrek lucky. But that does not mean u have to marry them.

Defn of marriage:
Main Entry: mar�riage
Pronunciation: 'mar-ij also 'mer-
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English mariage, from Old French, from marier to marry
Date: 14th century
1 a : the state of being married b : the mutual relation of husband and wife : WEDLOCK c : the institution whereby men and women are joined in a special kind of social and legal dependence for the purpose of founding and maintaining a family
2 : an act of marrying or the rite by which the married status is effected; especially : the wedding ceremony and attendant festivities or formalities
3 : an intimate or close union

There is no mention of love, it is merely a UNION.
I am NOT saying people who are married are not INLOVE no!!

But come on, using simple statistics and psychology, we meet guys all the time, if they are cute, we are sort of attracted (physically attracted), when we are exposed to their wicked sense of humor we become personality attracted, then you become friends or share a conversation and start getting emotionally attracted, he is understanding and kind, then he starts complimenting on ur laugh and the butterflies start.

Now come on, this happens a couple of times in ur life, IT DOES, and yes it varies, some are funnier, some are sweeter, some are cuter etc, but it happens a couple of times, yet each of us have 1 great soul mate.

defn of love
a strong positive emotion of regard and affection
a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction;

Doesnt this happen often, i mean for me it has at least.

def of soul Mate:

Classical - Greek mythology - Originally humans were combined of 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head made of 2 faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spending their lives searching for the other half to complete them. This theory was first explained in Plato's Symposium.

Spiritual and religious - concepts of reincarnation and karma. Soulmates have spent many previous lifetimes together.

Companion soulmate - People with whom one has made a connection.

Twin flame soulmate - A popular romantic belief that there is only one true soulmate.

Scientific Soulmate - (If) a relationship can be quantified, and scored according to an internal happiness scale. A scientific soul mate is the person with whom you are the absolute happiest. You would therefore be less happy with any other person in existence.

But how do you no when u are happiest, u cant measure it. And because u are with different guys at different times of your life, u cannot compare the two cause the variables in your life change all the time and its not like u can make them stand still cetrus paribus!!

I think love can be defined by stats, all this bull shit on destiny is K@K cause what’s the chances of u meeting ur other half 1 in 40 billion or how ever many people there are in the universe.
Also, culture, religion, race all play a role.
It segregates us, and if this great Soul mate theory was true, surely it would overcome societies social norms which dictate what is acceptable or not.

There are so many barricades, fences and powers that stops us from meeting our soul mates. Love is just a chemical reaction, its all hormones induced and after a while dries up. Marriage is a Union, which needs to be OKAYED by society indoctrinated by the Media.

I may have gone off on a tangent, but I do not think we marry the ones who we were destined to be with, An Imam, social status, society norms, money, honor to parents, all of that influence whom we love, or who is our soul mates.

Perhaps I’m a pessimist, I don’t think I I’m just a realist who refuses to accept that my life is going to end up like a Bollywood movie, but I still am the Eternal Optimist, BRAD PITT will me MINE!!!!!

My favourite Disney cartoons are a cross between the little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast. Although I loved Alladin and Hercules as well and one can't leave out the Lion Kig which goes in its own class altogether.

But theLlittle mermaid. AAAAAAAAh. DId u know that in Hans Andersons real story that the disney production was based on, well she dies in the end an becomes foam and the prince lives happily ever after with the witch?? That is the PROPER ending!!

I mean what does that imply?? Say??

As much as I love these tales...is it something I want to teach my children, that a prince will save my little girl and my son must grow up to be a prince?

Still as women we have a need to be rescued, which is annoying cause we dont, yet there is something that posioned our minds for such a long time making us believe we need to be.

I loved Shrek (well eddie Murphy stole that show) but more so because, princess Fiona choses Shrek and in the end becomes ugly.
Now you dont want to encourage your kids to be ugly either, but I think the movie is in a gentle way trying to contradict what the media and magazines presses us to believe.

That's what I think. This is an unedited, totally ill structured opinion piece. I had these pretty pics and I just needed to add some words, and now I have so I should rather end off here.

THank u guys

I feel like I'm giving an Oscar speech but here goes:

A special Shout out to da following people for their sms's and calls and e mail and poems and visits, and alles on my bday! it was well received and appreciated:
Aziza, Zainub, Afroz, Naz, Raz (in da UK c u friday), Benjan, Riedowaan Mamoe, Aunty Fowzie, Hafi, Zaida, Begam, Nuri an Shabs (the twins), Chantal, Small farha in Maur( soz bout that call), Tou (ma china alwayz), ray (dat poem), Rabs (spirulina), Ielie, Dika (for the sms, call and visit wen we going to canal walk???), Fazrey (thanks:) had a g8 time), Mumany (the cake yuuuuummm), the bois, (waseem, adam and khalid), Daadie, Sumaya Lahri nee Sayed, Sumaya Ismail (had jol thanks), Fowzie, Sitchie mamoe (yes we turned 21 again), Raouf (6pm 06.06.06 haha), Ahmed (yes i am sad), Samir, mehrun and Awa!!!

Dates

I don't know exactly why but I thought this picture out of all picture depits love and affection most adequately. The way Simba stands tall and loks ahead with a vision of a future and Nala although opinionated and independent, cuddles up to Simba.

I mean there is just so much contradiction wrt love these days. As a woman you would want to be independent and stand tall, high and strong yet there are desires for a man to be by your side, without compromising your independence, or losing your inividuality.

the question arises, DOES a guy have to pay for dates? Does he have to call you first? I have paid for dates, I've called first. Was this wrong? How much do you or dont you do? Do u really want him to save you, resue you from reality?
Will being a mother and a wife compensate for the world of wonder that lays out there for us. WIll it satisfy the ever building curiosity for truth, will it quench the thirst for accomplishment, will it erradicate the need for acceptance and appreciation? Am I using big words to describe nothing?

AM i being too independent?

What are issues?

Am I being to liberal, with love, do you have to be old fasioned?

Then there are guys that buy you huge prawns on first dates, is that showing off?? DO i care for a prawn, for me it's more about the company, does he make me laugh (LOL too!), is he smart, does he have opinions or god forbid he agree with everything I say (hate that).

Not that I have been on that many dates, but you get the drift.

I just ponder on these things, I wonder on what is and is not accptable, on whether they are guidelines or whether they are society and media's norms.

I better end off now before I go off another tangent.

But what is your opinions on all this?

Lemon Merangue

Finally lemon Merangue and its heavenly:)

the base:
1 pkt tenis buscuits
125ml melted butter
The middle:
1 tin condence milk
2 egg yolks
1 lemon rind
125ml lemon juice
The top
2 egg whites
25ml castor sugar

Method:
Base: Bash buscuits up with rolling pin, imagine its someone head (no names mentioned), and add melted butter making a crumbly mixture. Press into a round pirex dish with about a 25cm diametre.
middle: Mix condence milk, yolks, rinds and juice together. Once smooth and nicely mixed, pour onto base. (u can lick the bowel clean if u want, its that yummy, this is the lemon curd actually)
the top: beat up the whites till they peaky (refering to the texture of the egg whites not body parts), and add sugar to it. Now cover your pie with it. Cover all the curd smoothing it out nicely.

Place in oven for about 10 minutes till the tops a bit light brown at 180 degrees celcuis.

Let it cool off a bit and place in fridge for a bit. would set after an hour!!

the brown part of merange will turn into golden syrup after a while in fridge 9just like the wollies merangue does, why i dunno but dont add syrup on top, the merangue will secret its own syrup!

Still to come: Jaimies Choc Brownies, orgasmically delicious!!!

chocolate, love and life (mousse at least)

this is a bit expensive to make but its soo lekker(like so gharaam, almost as good as that soft bit in a lidhnt Ball), but it needs time to set. its not the same as a normal chcolaote mousse tho, its thinner and not as light and fluffy:

u need to multiply the recipe by three if u wanna make a decent size:

1 large tin ideal milk
14 pink and white marshmallows
100g dairy milk chocooalte

take 3/4 of the tin of odeal milk, choc and marshies on a low heat and melt. stir continously untill all disolves. beat the 1/4 ideal milk . remove warm mixture from pan, and fold in beaten ideal milk.
let it set in freidge for at least 4 hrs at least the longer the better, so do it tonight and set for tomorow.

Pavlova and its flop proof

6 egg whites
250g sugar
cream of tartar 1/2 tspn

take six egg whites and beat it in a kenwood or any beating mahine as long as the whites peak up and look like styrofoam. (if eggs very small add another use ur jdgement)

next add 250g castor sugar and 1/2 tsp cream of tartar (but if u dont have cream of tartar leave it out, mine still comes out fine) and add to whites continue whipping, until a velvetty mixture, its almost glossy.

then get a silver deepeish tray a 30 by 20 cm one would do, well anything deep really, SPRAY AND COOK it, I've never used butter or anything else. empty the velvety mixture into tdish, spread the middle flattish andcurl it on the sides.

Bake at 150 degrees for half an hur and then 100 degrees for an hour. im assumin u making it tonight right. switch oven off and then leave it in the oven overnight (actually the whole day is fine too, ie whole of tomorow)

the shell will be dry, and chewy but NOT moist. it will not stick to the tray but i DO NOT remove it from the tray either, i just decorate it in the same tray. DOnt put wax paper underneath, ive never tried that, and this is not a time to experiment u need to impress them inlaws:) Jokin

but that really oughtta work

Decorating:

get some woolies custard, the one in a yoghurt plastic container, its just tastier, spread on the flat bit of the pavlova.
thinly slice bananas on top. i sprinkle a lil bit of lemon juice so it doesnt go brown and then sprinkle icing sugar so it doesnt taste sour.I no its as weird as putting salt and sugar in a dish, i just don't get it but its wat ur supposed to do.
next add your cream (about 500mls whipped up).

next fruit, canned peaches, canned pinaplle, if u got a mango is yummy too.This makes the pavlova look pretty. U know some desserts look pretty but taste crap, well this looks delicious and tastes delicious too.

sprinkle with icing sugar for extra sweetness.